THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 

DAVIS 

GIFT  OF 

EDWIN  C.   VOORHIES 


EMILY    E.    MOLINEAUX. 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS- 


An  interesting  Narrative  of  Life  in  the  Southerm 

States  before  and  during  the  Civil  War,  with. 

incidents  of  the  bombardment  of  Atlanta. 

by  the  Union  forces,  the  author  being 

then  a  resident  of  that  City. 

H  Y 

TCMIJ.Y    K.    MO'L.INEAUX* 

THE  "WHITE  CLOAK.  EVANGELIST." 


SAN   FRANCISCO,    19O2- 

C.    W.    GORDON,     PRINTER,    SS55     MISSION    STREET-.. 


PREFACE. 


This  book  is  written  by  my  own  hand,,  and  sets  forth 
the  events  of  my  life,  both  under  moral  and  spiritual  law. 
It  shows  the  difference  between  natural  and  divine  history, 
and- God's  supremacy  over  all. 

This  volume  does  not  contain  fiction  but  facts,  for  it 
gives  the  events  of  my  life  just  as  I  passed  through  them, 
and  shows  the  Truth  as  I  experienced  it  and  learned  to 
know  it.  Though  in  writing  it  I  have  found  so  many 
broken  links  in  the  chain  of  thought,  that  the  endeavor 
to  weld  them  together  has  been  almost  like  trying  to 
gather,  one  by  one,  the  pebbles  on  the  ocean  shore,  or 
trying  to  replace  golden  moments  forever  past.  I  have 
done  my  best  to  make  the  narration  complete. 

I  have  written  in  simplicity,  and  for  the  redeeming  of 
our  race,  and  I  dedicate  my  book  to  the  Lord,  trusting 
that  the  Holy  Spirit  may  carry  its  message  to  the  hearts 
of  all  humanity — both  Jews  and  Gentiles. 

K-  E-  M. 


INTRODUCTION. 

I  have  read  the  manuscript  of  this  work  of  Mrs. 
Molineaux  with  much  interest,  and  have  revised  and 
edited  a  portion  of  it.  It  is  well  written,  and  plainly 
portrays  the  life  and  experiences  of  a  good  woman. 
Many  were  her  distresses  and  cares,  but  the  Lord  merci 
fully  brought  her  through  them  all,  and  her  life  story 
will  be  of  great  benefit  to  every  one  who  reads  it. 

Her  religious  experience  is  of  unusual  interest,  and 
will  prove  of  great  benefit  to  many  a  soul  who  may  be 
confused  and  tried  by  the  arts  of  Satan  and  the  allure 
ments  of  the  world. 

I  take  great  pleasure  in  recommending  the  work  to 
the  general  public,  and  pray  that  it  may  be  made  a 
great  blessing  to  every  one  of  its  readers,  and  prove 
the  means  of  leading  many  a  weary  soul  to  Christ. 

W.  S.  URMY. 
OAKLAND,  1902. 


CONTENTS 


PART  FIRST. 

PAGE, 

My  Childhood, _._-__ 5 

My  Sister  Ann's  Conversion 8 

My  New  Home n 

God  Moves  in  a  Mysterious  Way .  15 

My  Marriage  and  Later  Life 20 

The  South  and  North  Divide "... _  _  _  _ .  25 

My  War  Time  Experiences.  _ . . . . 28 

A  Midnight  Tragedy ... 33 

With  the  Atlanta  Refugees 37 

My  Claim  Against  the  Government 42 

Wandering  Again 45 

Across  the  Continent 47 

My  Sanctifi cation 52 

Called  to  Preach .  _  _  •  54 

Hot  Springs  Revisited 58 

My  Bvangelistic  Work 61 

In  Denver,  Colorado.   66 

In  Kansas  City  and  Elsewhere _. 69 

My  Return  to  San  Francisco '.-...  71 

Extract  From  My  Sister's  Letter 74 

PART  SECOND. 

My  Christian  Experiences 76 

The  First  Experience '.-.  76 

The  Second  Experience ... 82 

The  Third  Experience 86 

A  Poetical  Treasure 95 

The  Heavenly  Sculptor. 98 


MY  EARLY  LIFE. 


I  was  born  on  February  16,  1829,  and  was  the  fourth 
of  the  thirteen  children  who  comprised  the  family  of 
William  J.  and  Nancy  W.  Bowman,  of  Green  County, 
Tennessee. 

My  father  was  a  student,  and  afterwards  a  teacher  in 
Tusculum  College,  of  which  Samuel  W.  Doak  was  Presi 
dent  at  the  time  While  at  college  he  formed  the  acquaint 
ance  of  Nancy  W.  McKeehan,  whose  parents  were  among 
the  early  settlers  of  that  county,  and  left  the  college  to 
marry  her — for  which  reason  his  father,  Jesse  Bean,  of 
Cohabba,  Alabama,  disinherited  him.  He  then  took  his 
mother's  maiden  name,  and  was  afterwards  known  as 
William  J.  Bowman. 

Although  not  a  converted  Christian,  my  father  read 
the  Bible  in  his  family  and  brought  his  children  up  very 
strictly,  the  penalty  for  a  broken  rule  or  disobedience  of 
any  kind  being  correction  by  the  rod.  He  was  a  fine 
scholar  and  an  excellent  teacher,  and  our  home  life  would 
have  been  happy  and  prosperous  had  it  not  been  for  the 
fact  that  he  was  addicted  to  drink.  After  leaving  college 
he  established  a  private  school,  where  he  taught  languages 
as  well  as  the  other  educational  branches  ;  but  his  classes 
were  often  broken  up  on  account  of  his  unfortunate  habit, 
and  my  mother  would  be  obliged  to  go  out  among  his 
patrons  and  plead  with  them  to  continue  to  send  their 
children  to  him  for  instruction.  As  in  those  days  we 
had  no  free  schools,  and  competent  teachers  were  scarce, 


6  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

he  was  allowed  even  after  serious  lapses  from  sobriety  to 
resume  his  position  in  the  community,  and  sometimes  our 
friends  and  neighbors  would,  in  a  kindly  way,  celebrate 
his  return  to  his  duties.  He  was  the  only  teacher  that 
his  own  children  ever  had  ;  but,  in  spite  of  his  ability, 
our  early  instruction,  on  account  of  his  intemperance,  was 
very  deficient,  and  included  none  of  the  higher  branches 
of  learning. 

My  parents  were  noted  for  their  hospitality,  but  were 
not  members  of  any  religious  society  nor  of  any  secret 
order.  At  home  I  was  not  blessed  with  the  privilege  of 
hearing  the  voice  of  father  or  mother  in  prayer  ;  but  my 
mother,  who,  although  brought  up  along  the  strictest  of 
Presbyterian  lines,  favored  the  Baptist  denomination  more 
than  any  other,  warned  her  children  when  they  came  to 
years  of  maturity  that  sin  would  be  eternally  punished. 
She  taught  us  that  there  was  a  hell  and  a  heaven,  and 
said  that  we  must  repent  and  forsake  our  sins  and  be 
converted  and  baptized  in  order  to  enter  into  heaven. 
She  also  taught  us  verses  and  chapters  of  Scripture  ;  but, 
notwithstanding  these  teachings,  from  cradle  to  woman 
hood  I  never  had  a  serious  thought  as  to  my  soul,  death, 
judgment  or  eternity.  When,  however,  I  heard  a  sermon 
preached  by  an  inspired  preacher,  it  was  to  me  like  cool 
ing  waters  to  a  thirsty  traveler  in  a  parched  desert,  and 
this  led  me  to  believe  that  there  was  a  God  and  a  heaven. 
My  poor  starved  soul  went  out  to  such  a  speaker,  for  I 
knew  that  he  had  something  that  I  lacked — something 
that  came  from  no  earthly  source— and  I  longed  to  be  like 
him,  and  to  have  the  same  assurance  of  the  truth. 

At  such  times  I  thought :  "  If  there  be  a  heaven  it  is 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  7 

in  him  ;  and  if  there  be  a  God  he  is  taught  of  Him  " 

When  a  minister  expounded  the  glorious  beauty  and 
grandeur  and  bliss  of  heaven — showed  the  terrors  and 
miseries  of  hell,  and  warned  the  people  to  flee  from  the 
wrath  to  come— every  word  seemed  to  be  accompanied  by 
the  deepest  anxiety  of  heart  and  love  toward  all  mankind, 
and  seemed  to  have  for  me  a  special  and  earnest  message. 
But  when  I  went  out  from  a  place  of  divine  worship  it 
was  like  going  out  into  a  dreary  wilderness  full  of  doubt 
and  temptations,  and  the  enemy  would  soon  overcome  all 
the  good  desires  of  my  heart. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 


MY  SISTER  ANN'S  CONVERSION. 

When  I  was  about  fifteen  years  old,  two  preachers— 
Mr.  Wylie  Poulee  and  a  Mr.  Smith— held  revival  services 
in  my  father's  school-house,  which  was  within  half  a 
mile  of  our  home.  I  had  never  attended  a  revival,  or 
seen  a  soul  converted,  or  heard  the  testimony  of  a  Chris 
tian,  save  through  ministers  of  the  gospel,  and  my  mother 
arranged  matters  so  that  my  sister  Ann,  whom  I  loved 
very  dearly,  since  she  was  only  about  a  year  older  than 
myself  and  my  favorite  sister,  could,  with  me,  attend  the 
meetings. 

We  went  regularly,  and  Ann  seemed  impressed  from 
the  first  ;  and  one  night,  when  there  was  a  call  for  all 
who  desired  to  be  saved  to  go  forward  to  the  altar,  she 
asked  me  to  go  with  her  to  be  prayed  for  ;  but  I  refused, 
for  I  was  full  of  laughter  and  fun  at  the  time.  She  urged 
me  so  strongly,  however,  that  for  her  sake  alone  I  finally 
accompanied  her  down  the  aisle,  and  we  both  knelt 
together.  In  a  few  minutes  she  arose,  with  a  light  of 
glory  shining  in  her  face,  laughing,  and  clapping  her 
hands  joyfully.  She  told  the  story  of  the  cross,  and 
showed  by  every  word  and  look  that  a  wonderful  change 
had  come  to  her.  That  night  she  told  me  her  experience 
in  detail,  and  said  that  the  following  hymn — always  her 
favorite — had  brought  her  to  Christ : 

"  Alas  and  did  my  Saviour  bleed, 
And  did  my  Sovereign  die  ? 
Would  he  devote  [thatjsacred  head 
For  such  a  worm  as  I  ? 


ANN    M.   BOWMAN. 


And  they  that  be  wise  shall  shine  as  the  brightness  of  the 
firmament;  and  they  that  turn  many  to  righteousness  as  the  stars 
for  ever  and  ever. — Daniel,  xii ;  3. 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  9 

"  Was  it  for  crimes  that  I  had  done 

He  groaned  upon  the  tree  ? 
Amazing  pity,  grace  unknown 
And  love  beyond  degree  ! 

"  But  drops  of  grief  can  ne'er  repay 

The  debt  of  love  I  owe  ; 
Here,  Lord,  I  give  myself  away, 
,'Tis  all;that  I  can  do." 

My  sister  Ann,  who  died  in  1887,  was  the  first  person 
that  I  ever  saw  converted,  and  I  realized  that  there  was, 
after  that,  a  complete  separation  between  us.  It  appeared 
to  me  as  though  she  belonged  to  the  Lord  and  that  I 
belonged  to  Satan,  and,  in  this  condition,  I  felt  that  I  was 
no  more  worthy  of  her  love.  It  was  one  of  the  saddest 
separations  that  I  ever  experienced,  but  she  exhorted  me 
to  also  seek  the  Lord,  and  I  promised  her  that  I  would. 

Shortly  afier  this  Ann  was  baptized  in  Holston  river, 
and  the  next  day  a  Methodist  minister— C.  Austin  by 
name — came  with  his  wife  and  took  her  away  to  live  with 
them.  As  they  rode  away  on  their  horses,  I  stood  gazing 
at  her  until  she  went  out  of  sight,  and  feeling  as  if  my 
heart  would  break. 

I  fully  intended  to  keep  my  farewell  promise  to  my 
dear  sister,  when  there  should  come  a  convenient  time  ; 
but  months  rolled  away,  and  the  "convenient  season" 
did  not  come.  I  loved  the  world  and  thought  that  I 
could  not  give  it  up.  Though  I  was  willing  to  be  saved 
with  the  world,  unless  I  could  be  positively  assured  of  the 
reward  of  eternal  life,  I  felt  that  I  could  not  bring  myself 
to  part  with  what  I  had  ;  and  I  thought  it  better  to  make 
sure  of  one  life  than  to  lose  both. 


io  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

Through  a  kind  Providence  my  sister  and  I  were 
reunited,  and  her  heavenly  countenance  and  earnest  words 
made  me  realize  my  unworthiness  and  feel  greatly  humil 
iated.  The  tears  ran  down  my  cheeks  like  raindrops,  as 
she  asked  : 

"  Emily,  have  you  found  the  Lord  yet  ?" 
;       ''No,  I  have  not,'.'  I  answered. 

,&«  /  "-Oh,  do  not  give  up  your  search  for  Him,"  she  plead, 
and  I  renewed  my  promise  to  her  that  I  would  seek  until 
I  found  Him. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS,  n 


MY  NEW  HOME. 


I  was  still  between  two  desires,  for  I  wished  to  hold 
on  to  the  world  and  Christ  at  the  same  time  ;  and  I  lived 
in  this  way  for  nearly  two  years,  though  I  often  felt  that 
1  was  in  danger  of  putting  off  my  decision  until  too  late. 
Every  time  that  my  sister  and  I  met,  her  looks  and  words 
would  seem  to  almost  break  my  heart,  and  it  came  to  me 
at  last  that  I  had  been  living  this  kind  of  a  life  long 
enough,  and  that  I  must  change  my  course  or  I  nevei 
could  be  saved. 

At  that  time  I  was  about  sixteen  years  old,  in  excel 
lent  health,  and  life  gave  promise  of  many  years  ;  but 
I  was  unsettled  in  all  my  ways,  since  I  had  no  permanent 
home,  and  I  often  felt  that  I  was  a  pilgrim  and  a  wanderer 
upon  earth.  All  the  Christian  counsel  that  I  received 
was  from  sister  Ann,  and  I  became  anxious  to  find  a  place 
in  some  Christian  family  where  1  might  profit  both  by 
precept  and  example.  Soon  after  I  had  made  up  my 
mind  definitely  upon  this  point  I  was  directed  to  apply  to 
Robert  Cardwell,  who  lived  on  a  plantation  in  Granger 
County,  Tennessee,  about  two  miles  from  where  I  was 
then  living,  'and  I  made  up  a  small  bundle  of  clothes  and 
started  for  his  place. 

When  I  reached  Mr.  Cardwell's  house  I  introduced 
myself  as  the  daughter  of  William  J.  Bowman,  the  teacher 
of  Jefferson  County,  and  said  that,  being  in  search  of  a 
Christian  family  where  I  could  make  my  homt,  I  had 


12  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 

been  referred  to  him.  It  is  pleasant  to  remember  that  I 
was  most  cordially  received,  and  during  my  entire  stay 
with  these  good  people  was  treated  as  kindly  as  it  I  had 
been  one  of  their  own  children. 

I  had  sought  this  place  in  order  to  be  saved  by  grace, 
but  I  never  told  my  new  friends,  who  thought  I  was 
already  a  Christian,  of  this.  These  two  devoted  Chris 
tians,  who  worshipped  in  public  and  kept  up  a  family  altar 
in  their  home,  soon  became  very  fond  of  me  ;  and  at  night 
I  gathered  with  them  around  the  hearthstone,  listened  to 
the  reading  of  the  old  family  Bible,  and  united  my  voice 
with  theirs  in  hymns  of  prayer  and  praise,  such  as  : 

"  A  charge  to  keep  I  have, 
A  God  to  glorify." 

I  began  to  think  that  this  was  in  truth  the  place  for 
which  I  had  long  been  seeking,  for  when  Sunday  morning 
came  everything  about  this  blessed  home  seemed  to  speak 
of  heaven.  I  felt  that  I  had  got  out  of  darkness,  and  it 
appeared  to  me  as  if  I  had  come  out  into  a  broad  and 
beautiful  plain,  and  the  way  was  now  open  for  me. 
When  the  horses  were  harnessed  to  the  carryall,  and  I  was 
seated  between  these  two  dear  souls  on  the  way  to  the 
church  of  Shiloh,  of  which  they  were  members,  I  felt 
sure  that  the  time  had  indeed  come  for  me  to  seek  the 
Lord. 

So  earnest  was  I  that  I  found  for  myself  a  secret  place 
in  the  woods,  under  the  branches  of  an  oak,  where  I 
might,  undisturbed,  commune  with  my  Maker.  I  thought 
at  this  time  that  performing  all  the  duties  of  a  Christian, 
forsaking  all  sin,  and  living  in  perfect  obedience  to  God, 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  13 

would  bring  me  to  Christ,  and  that  my  good  works  would 
save  me,  and  I  lived  this  self-righteous  life  for  some 
months  ;  but  at  last  I  was  fully  convinced  of  my  need  of 
a  Saviour. 

The  moment  came  to  me,  but  I  still  hesitated.  "Is 
there  any  reality  in  this  ?"  I  thought  "Can  I  believe 
there  is  a  hereafter  and  a  heaven  ?" 

And  then  these  words  of  Scripture  came  to  me  : 

"For  what  is  a  man  profited  if  he  shall  gain  the  whole 
world  and  lose  his  own  soul  ;  or  what  shall  a  man  give 
in  exchange  for  his  soul  ?" 

I  said  :  "I  will  give  the  world  in  exchange  for  my 
soul  and  heaven." 

Then  I,  with  all  earnestness,  made  my  consecration  to 
the  Lord.  I  covenanted  to  give  up  the  world  and  my 
companions,  and  to  forsake  sin  and  even  the  appearance 
of  evil.  I  made  a  solemn  promise  to  the  Lord  that  I 
would  never  give  up  trying  until  I  felt  myself  truly 
saved. 

Satan,  however,  came  and  argued  with  me,  saying: 
"  You  will  fail  in  that  for  which  you  have  sought,  and 
lose  both  the  life  that  is  now  and  the  life  for  which  you 
hope,  for  there  is  no  God  and  no  hereafter." 

But  immediately  another,  an  inner,  voice  said  :  "Prove 
me ;  try  me  ;  bring  ye  all  the  tithes  into  the  storehouse 
and  prove  me  now  herewith,  saith  the  Lord  of  Hosts  ;" 
and,  thus  strengthened,  I  could  answer  the  tempter  : 
"  Get  thee  behind  me,  Satan  ;  I  will  obey  and  follow  the 
Lord." 

Satan  left  me,  and  I  pledged  myself  anew  never  to 
cease  my  efforts  until  I  was  saved,  or  had  completely 


14  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

surrendered  myself,  the  world,  Satan,  and  everything 
that  was  sinful.  When,  if  ever,  I  thought,  I  should 
reach  that  point,  if  God  did  not  save  me  I  should  have 
to  believe  that  there  was  neither  any  God  or  heaven  or 
eternity. 

Why  was  it  that,  feeling  as  I  did,  I  was  still  unsaved  ? 
It  was  because  I  was  merely  trusting  in  myself,  and 
believed  that  my  good  works  would  save  me  and  ought 
to  give  me  a  clear  title  to  heaven.  Beware,  dear  reader, 
of  putting  your  faith  in  your  own  good  works  and  self- 
righteous  deeds  built  on  and  from  self,  for  these  are  a 
sandy  foundation  and  the  poorest  of  material,  and  will  all 
come  to  naught  at  the  end.  To  make  sure  of  heaven  we 
must  give  up  the  world,  and  all  that  is  in  it,  entirely.  We 
must  not  only  give  up  this  in  coming  near  the  Kingdom, 
but  we  have  plain  proof  in  the  Scriptures  that  we  must 
give  up  our  lives  also. 

My  great  fear  at  this  time  was  that  I  might  be  deceived 
in  regard  to  my  conversion,  or  that  I  might  unconsciously 
act  the  hypocrite  ;  and  I  prayed  God  to  keep  me  from  both 
these  things,  and  to  let  me  know  clearly  and  plainly  when 
I  was  saved.  I  realized  that  I  must  know  Him  person 
ally  and  experimentally.  I  must  know  him  in  the 
pardoning  of  my  sins  by  feeling  an  inner  change  in  my 
entire  being  ;  and  I  committed  my  way  unto  Him,  and 
looked  to  Him  as  my  leader,  counselor,  and  guide,  that 
He  might  guard  me  against  the  assaults  of  Satan  and  all 
pitfalls  by  the  way  wherein  I  might  stumble. 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  15 


"  God  Works  in  a  Mysterious  Way." 


A  yearly  camp  meeting  was  held  at  a  place  called 
Spring  Creek  Camp  Ground,  and  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Card  well 
owned  a  small  log  cabin  on  the  grounds  and  attended 
regularly.  In  those  days  we  had  no  tents,  and  all  the 
campers  used  log  cabins,  while  the  meetings  were  held  in 
a  large  wooden  shed.  The  Card  wells  kindly  invited  me 
to  go  to  this  place  with  them,  and  I  prayed  earnestly  that 
I  might  be  saved  during  the  progress  of  the  meeting.  My 
sister  Ann,  and  many  of  the  old  veterans  of  the  Cross, 
were  to  be  there,  and  I  felt  that  through  their  instru 
mentality  my  wish  might  be  accomplished,  not  knowing 
at  that  time  that  the  Lord  needed  no  help  to  do  this  won 
derful  thing.  I  was  still  trusting  in  my  own  righteous 
ness,  and  leaning  upon  Christians  instead  of  the  Lord  ; 
but  I  knew  it  not,  for  I  was  thoroughly  in  earnest  in  my 
endeavors,  though  in  those  days  I  had  studied  the  Bible 
but  very  little,  and  was  poorly  informed  as  to  Divine  law. 

The  camp  meeting  was  conducted  upon  the  apostolic 
order,  the  churches  all  uniting.  There  was  no  buying  or 
selling  on  the  grounds  ;  everything  was  free,  and  all 
things  were  in  common,  being  divided  with  all  as  all  had 
need.  A  spirit  of  unselfishness  and  helpfulness  prevailed, 
and  the  whole  atmosphere  seemed  full  of  kindliness  and 
good  will. 

When  the  meeting  opened  a  penitent  altar  was  estab 
lished,  and,  as  usual,  all  who  desired  to  be  saved  were 


1 6  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

invited  to  come  forward.  I  remembered  my  covenant  and 
vow  to  the  Lord,  and  was  the  first  to  bow  before  that 
altar  ;  continuing  to  do  so,  both  night  and  day,  through 
out  the  meetings  until  but  two  days  remained  of  their 
allotted  time.  Then,  at  last,  I  gave  up  faith  in  myself 
and  all  earthly  hopes,  and  felt  that  I  was  indeed  lost.  I 
had  specially  chosen  this  time  and  place  in  which  to  be 
saved  and  how  dreadful  was  the  thought  that  He  might 
now  reject  me,  and  leave  me  in  the  hands  of  the  enemy 
throughout  eternity. 

Once  realizing  this  I  became  sin -sick.  I  had  acted  as 
table  waiter  for  the  preachers,  but  found  myself  unable  to 
continue.  I  fasted,  and  felt  that  I  might  die  at  any 
moment ;  but  the  death  that  was  coming  to  me  was  a 
spiritual  and  not  a  physical  death  ;  it  was  the  death  that 
must  precede  spiritual  life. 

The  farewell  sermons  were  being  preached,  and  I 
concealed  myself  behind  our  cabin  door,  which  opened 
into  the  auditorium,  where  I  could  hear  every  word  that 
was  spoken.  They  pierced  me  through  and  through, 
and  I  wept  bitterly.  Then  there  came  an  inner  voice 
saying  : 

' '  Come  out  from  your  hiding  place  and  go  down  to 
the  altar." 

"That  was  the  voice  of  the  Lord,"  I  thought  ;  and 
then  I  hesitated,  saying  to  myself  : 

"I  cannot  walk  down  there;  I  am  too  weak  and  ill, 
and  there  are  too  many  looking  on." 

But  the  thought  of  my  solemn  promise  that  I  would 
do  anything  that  the  Lord  bade  me  to  do  in  order  to  be 
saved,  and  that  I  would  never  give  it  up,  moved  me  to 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  17 

obey,  and  I  went  and  sat  down  within  the  altar. 

Our  circuit  rider,  William  Allee,  was  delivering  his 
last  address,  and,  as  i  saw  the  tears  falling  from  his  eyes, 
his  words  penetrated  my  heart  and  killed  me — that  is.  the 
Self  that  I  had  so  long  struggled  with.  I  died  ;  but 
passed  from  death  into  life.  I  was  born  again  ;  made  a 
new  creature  in  Christ  Jesus.  "Old  things  are  passed 
away,  and  behold  !  all  things  are  become  new." 

Oh,  what  a  change  !  I  was  born  of  the  spirit  ;  risen 
with  Christ  !  Dear  reader,  this  spiritual  birth  is  inde 
scribable. 

"Come  and  hear,  all  ye  that  fear  God,  and  I  will 
declare  what  He  hath  done  for  my  soul."  In  my  distress 
I  cried  unto  the  Lord  and  He  heard  me.  I  cried  with  my 
whole  heart  "  Save  !"  and  he  saved  me. 

"  O,  clap  your  hands  all  ye  people;  shout  unto  the 
Lord  with  the  voice  of  triumph.  O,  sing  unto  the  Lord 
a  new  song  ;  make  a  joyful  noise  unto  the  Lord,  for  He 
satisfieth  the  longing  soul  and  filleth  the  hungry  soul  with 
goodness." 

It  was  heaven  on  earth  to  at  last  know  my  Redeemer. 
The  whole  encampment  reverberated  with  shouts  of 
triumph.  All  things  animate  and  inanimate  seemed 
praising  God,  and  the  earth  was  filled  with  His  glory.  I 
drank  in  one  wave  of  glory  after  another,  and  knew  not 
myself,  for  I  was  filled  with  it.  As  I  stood  before  the 
altar  clothed  in  innocence,  old  Mother  Earth  and  all 
things  in  nature  seemed  touched  with  heavenly  beauty. 
I  felt  that  I  had  come  up  from  the  dead,  out  of  a  world 
of  darkness  and  sin  ;  that  I  was  liberated  from  a  prison 
house  ;  that  I  wasjin  a  new  world.  The  New  Jerusalem 


1 8  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

opened  and  heaven  came  down  ;  earth  and  heaven  w6re 
united,  and  the  angels  ascended  and  descended. 

The  beloved  minister,  whose  words  had  brought  me  to 
the  Saviour,  now  stood  leaning  over  the  pulpit  weeping 
and  laughing,  with  outstretched  arms  to  receive  me  into 
his  fellowship  and  brotherly  love  ;  and  I  have  cherished  the 
memory  of  him  as  he  looked  at  that  moment  all  through 
my  life.  His  words  will  never  be  forgotten  ;  and  I  feel 
sure  that  I  shall  find  them  and  his  name  enrolled  in  the 
Lamb's  Book  of  Life. 

Dear  reader,  have  you  entered  in?  "O,  come  and 
taste,  and  see  that  the  Lord  is  good."  How  many  have 
tasted  this  fruit  and  drank  at  this  living  fountain.  You 
have  a  loving  friend  who  is  reliable  in  every  way,  and  is 
ready  at  all  times  to  deliver  you  out  of  every  peril  of  life. 
He  stands  with  outstretched  arms  ready  to  receive  you, 
and  to  fill  you  with  all  the  fulness  of  God.  He  is  a  just, 
loving  and  merciful  Saviour,  and  you  are  one  of  His  chil 
dren  out  in  the  wild  desert  of  life,  lost  in  a  wilderness  of 
sin,  and  He  longs  to  save  and  comfort  you.  But,  remem 
ber,  we  must  give  up  all  in  coming  to  Christ  ;  all  earthly 
ties  and  affections  must  go  ;  all  earthly  props  upon  which 
we  lean  must  come  down. 

"  He  that  loveth  father  or  mother  more  than  Me  is  not 
worthy  of  Me  ;  and  he  that  loveth  son  or  daughter  more 
than  Me  is  not  worthy  of  Me  ;  and  he  that  taketh  not  his 
cross  and  followeth  after  Me  is  not  worthy  of  Me." 

Oh,  how  merciful  was  God  to  spare  my  life  and  give 
me  so  long  a  time  in  which  to  struggle  against  my  stub, 
born  heart,  and  to  realize  just  how  I  must  come  to  him  ! 
When  I  found  that  it  was  true  that  there  was  a  Saviour 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS-  19 

who  could  and  would  save  me,  and  fill  me  with  all  the 
riches  and  glory  of  heaven,  the  thought  of  my  past  ingrat 
itude  and  unbelief  almost  overwhelmed  me.  Would  that 
I  could  persuade  all  who  read  this  simple  story  of  the 
blessed  experience  that  was  mine  in  the  early  morning  of 
life  when  I  was  between  sixteen  and  seventeen  years  of 
age,  to  ever  doubt  our  dear  Lord,  but  to  turn  to  Him  at 
once,  and  know  what  it  is  to  be  folded  in  His  arms  of 
love. 


20  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 


My  Marraige  and  Later  Life. 


When  I  was  twenty-one  years  of  age  I  was.  with  the 
consent  of  my  parents,  united  in  marriage  with  L.  D. 
Buchanan,  our  wedding  taking  place  at  my  father's 
house  December  26,  1849.  Not  long  after  this  event  my 
husband's  brother,  Thomas  Buchanan,  who  lived  in 
Louisiana,  came  with  his  wife  to  make  us  a  visit,  and 
when  they  returned  to  their  home  we  accompanied  them. 

My  husband  was  a  painter  by  trade,  but  he  was  also  a 
farmer  ;  and,  soon  after  our  arrival  in  Louisiana  he  was 
given  the  position  of  overseer  of  negroes  on  a  plantation, 
at  a  good  salary.  A  few  months  subsequent  to  this  I 
became  the  mother  of  a  daughter  ;  but  my  happiness  was 
early  clouded  by  the  fact  that,  within  a  year  after  our 
marriage,  my  husband  yielded  to  the  vice  of  intemperance, 
and  the  most  of  his  earnings,  which  should  have  gone  for 
the  support  of  his  wife  and  chil'd,  was  dissipated  in  this 
way. 

In  1852  my  health,  and  also  that  of  my  little  girl, 
became  very  poor,  as  we  both  suffered  greatly  from  chills 
and  fever ;  and  my  husband  sent  us  back  to  my  mother, 
who  was  then  living  in  Knoxville,  Tennessee,  with  my 
brother,  J.  M.  Howruan,  then  a  clerk  in  a  clothing  house, 
who  kindly  took  care  of  us,  I  doing  what  I  could  to 
lighten  the  expense  by  sewing  on  garments  furnished  me 
from  the  store. 

Two  years  passed  during  which  I  received  no  word 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  21 

from  my  husband,  and  then,  one  day,  he  unexpectedly 
appeared,  bearing  every  evidence  in  looks  and  manners 
that  his  deplorable  habit  was  more  firmly  in  control  of 
him  than  when  we  parted.  The  death  of  my  little  girl. 
two  years  and  eight  months  old,  followed  soon  after  we 
were  re-united,  and  nearly  broke  my  heart. 

In  [854  I  became  the  mother  of  a  son,  of  whom  I  was 
very  proud  and  fond,  but  who  caused  me  much  after 
unhappiness,  in  that  he  followed  in  the  footsteps  of  his 
father  and  grandfather,  and  became  a  victim  of  an  insa 
tiable  fondness  for  alcoholic  stimulants.  Only  those  who 
have  had  a  similar  experience  can  understand  the  trial 
and  grief  I  passed  through  on  account  of  this.  How  true 
are  the  Proverbs  of  Solomon,  where  he  says  :  "Wine  is  a 
mocker ;  strong  drink  is  raging ;  and  whosoever  is 
deceived  thereby  is  not  wise."  Alcohol  mocks  the  man 
who  says  that  it  "builds  him  up"  It  shatters  his 
nerves,  wrecks  his  life,  and  builds  only  a  consuming  fire 
to  rage  continually  within  him. 

When  my  son  was  ten  months  old  my  husband's  con 
duct  became  such  that  patience  with  him  ceased  to  be  a 
virtue,  and,  after  serious  and  prayerful  consideration  of 
the  matter,  I  felt  obliged  to  leave  him.  After  this  I  lived 
an  unsettled  and  unsatisfactory  life  for  some  years,  mak 
ing  my  home  wherever  I  chanced  to  be,  and  trying  to 
feel  that  all  people  were  my  people.  I  was  like  Hager 
when  she  was  driven  forth  to  wander  in  the  wilderness  of 
Beer-sheba,  and  I  felt  that  those  who  had  peaceful  and 
permanent  homes  could  not  appreciate  them  as  would  I, 
to  whom  that  form  of  earthly  happiness  seemed  to  be 
denied.  I  tried,  however,  to  accommodate  myself  to 


22  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

circumstances,  and  be  thankful  for  all  other  things  that  I 
received. 

"  I  tried  to  feel  contented  with  my  lot, 
Whether  I  dwelt  in  hall  or  humble  cot. 
With  grateful  heart  to  take  what  God  might  send, 
And  feel  that,  rich  or  poor,  He  was  tny  friend. 

' '  The  kindly  acts  that  made  my  pathway  bright, 
To  Him  I  traced,  who  ever  doeth  right. 
I  envied  none,  for  wit,  or  gold,  or  fame, 
But  lived  at  peace  with  all,  and  without  blame." 

When  I  left  Knoxville  I  visited  my  husband's  cousin 
and  his  family,  in  Central  Georgia.  I  found  them  very 
proud  people,  whose  wealth  consisted  mainly  of  negroes, 
and  thought  best  to  remain  there  but  a  short  time  ;  going 
from  their  home  to  that  of  Robert  and  Elizabeth  Card- 
well,  with  whom  I  had  lived  in  my  girlhood,  and  where 
I  felt  sure  of  a  welcome.  As  I  drew  near  their  old 
plantation,  with  its  green  fields  and  shady  groves,  the 
days  of  my  youth  came  back  to  my  mind,  when  all  was 
light  and  life.  I  felt  as  if  I  had  come  out  of  Egypt  and 
entered  into  the  land  of  Canaan.  I  looked  upon  the  old 
homestead  where  I  had  spent  so  many  happy  .days,  and 
forgot  for  the  moment  the  sorrows  that  had  come  to  me 
since  I  lived  beneath  that  roof.  I  listened  to  the  singing 
birds,  where  God  in  nature  first  smiled  upon  me,  and  my 
heart  thrilled  with  joy  too  sacred  ever  to  be  forgotten. 
And  as  I  viewed  the  place  where  grace  divine  first  found 
me,  oh  !  how  dear  to  my  memory  were  her  tents  and  her 
altars  ! 

After  spending  some  months  with  these  dear  friends  I 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  23 

returned  to  Knoxville,  and  there  visited  ray  brother-in- 
law,  Thomas  Buchanan  who  then  lived  in  Indiola,  Texas, 
and  was  kindly  received  by  himself  and  his  wife.  At  the 
conclusion  of  a  visit  of  a  few  months  I  crossed  the  Gulf 
of  Mexico  by  steamer  to  New  Orleans,  where  I  remained 
at  a  hotel  for  a  short  time,  since  a  terrific  gale  experienced 
on  the  Gulf  had  made  me  very  ill  When  my  strength 
returned  I  continued  my  journey  to  Knoxville,  remaining 
there  for  some  time,  and  occasionally  visiting  in  outside 
places. 

During  all  this  time  I  had  the  sole  care  of  my  son, 
and  my  lot  was.  as  can  be  seen,  cast  among  many  differ 
ent  kinds  of  people  and  in  almost  every  condition  of  life 
that  can  be  imagined.  Often  in  my  loneliness  I  craved 
the  place  of  a  servant,  who  at  least  has  a  settled  home 
and  is  saved  from  the  many  unpleasant  experiences  that 
fell  to  my  wandering  lot.  Many  temptations  were  placed 
in  my  pathway  to  allure  me  from  the  right  ;  but,  when 
finances  and  true  friendship  seemed  to  fail  me,  then  I 
thought  of  how  God  commanded  the  ravens  .to  feed 
Elijah,  and  how  the  widow's  handful  of  meal  in  the  barrel 
wasted  not,  neither  did  the  cruse  of  oil  fail,  and  had  faith 
that  I  should  be  likewise  provided  for. 

My  anxiety  to  have  a  settled  home  continued  through 
all  my  wanderings,  and  finally  I  was  advised  to  go  to  a 
little  village  called  Tullahoma,  situated  between  Nashville 
and  Chattanooga.  This  was  a  place  that  had  been  beau 
tifully  planned  and  laid  out  as  a  summer  resort  by  a 
wealthy  gentleman  of  Nashville.  General  Moore,  who 
was  an  old  veteran  of  the  Creek  war,  was  land  agent 
there,  and  through  him  I  bought  a  nice  lot  and  had  a 


24  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

neat  cottage  built  thereon.  The  financial  assistance  of 
several  friends  enabled  me  to  do  this,  and  also  to  furnish 
it  cheaply  but  prettily.  When  my  son  and  I  moved  into 
our  new  home  he  was  three  years  old  and  I  was  twenty- 
five,  and  I  felt  that  as  far  as  earthly  comfort  goes  I  had 
little,  if  anything,  of  which  to  complain.  I  appreciated, 
to  the  utmost,  the  long-wished-for  happiness  that  was  at 
last  mine.  All  was  rest,  and  I  felt  utterly  peaceful  and 
content  in  my  new  home. 

"  'Mid  pleasures  and  palaces  though  we  may  roam, 
Be  it  ever  so  humble,  there's  no  place  like  home  : 
An  exile  from  home,  splendor  dazzles  in  vain, 
O.  give  me  my  lowly  thatched  cottage  again. 
A  charm  from  the  skies  seems  to  hallow  us  there, 
Which,  seek  through  the  world,  is  ne'er  met  with 

elsewhere. 

The  birds  singing  gaily  that  come  at  my  call, 
O,  give  me  sweet  peace  of  mind,  dearer  than  all. 

Home,  home  ;  sweet,  sweet  home  ! 

Be  it  ever  so  humble,  there's  no  place  like  home." 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  25 


The  South  and  North  Divide. 


I  lived  a  quiet  and  peaceful  life  in  rny  little  home  for 
six  years,  and  was  then  obliged  to  <ive  it  up.  It  seemed 
that  I  had  but  just  begun  to  know  the  happiness  of  real 
home-life  when  I  w.is  forced  again  to  go  forth  into  the 
outside  world  and  resume  my  wanderings. 

There  was,  however,  no  help  for  it.  The  vSouth  and 
the  North  had  come  into  conflict,  and  I  was  obliged  to 
endure  a  part  of  the  consequent  suffering.  Slavery  was 
the  rock  upon  which  they  split  ;  and  I  could  not  but  feel 
that  the  contention  of  the  North  was  right. 

In  the  part  of  the  South  in  which  I  was  born  and 
brought  up  the  slaves  were  generally  well  treated,  as  most 
of  them  were  owned  by  good  people.  Aside  from  the 
fact  that  they  were  in  bondage,  they  fared  as  well  as  the 
white  people  ;  but,  when  I  went  to  Louisiana,  after  my 
marriage,  I  saw  what  I  had  never  witnessed  before,  and 
that  was  the  cruel  and  inhuman  treatment  of  slaves  by 
some  of  the  slave-holders  of  that  section.  When  I  saw 
the  severe  punishments  inflicted  upon  some  poor  negroes 
I  lost  all  respect  for  their  owners  ;  and  I  am  convinced 
that  it  was  this  barbarous  treatmant  of  slaves  that  brought 
on  the  Civil  War.  Had  the  negroes  been  more  kindly 
used  by  their  masters,  the  terrible  war,  with  its  fearful 
loss  of  life,  would  never  have  occurred. 

Since  Christ,  our  Saviour,  died  for  man,  slavery  is 
wrong.  It  is  not  in  accordance  with  the  law  of  grace  and 


26  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

love  for  one  man  to  own  another,  for  man  as  a  human 
being  is  morally  free  ;  and  every  man,  of  whatever  nation, 
color,  sect  or  creed,  is  free  under  God's  law.  God's 
justice  at  last  overruled  the  injustice  of  man  and  broke 
the  fetters  of  cruelty.  God  was  behind  it  all,  and  we 
must  accept  the  freedom  of  the  African,  and  all  other 
races,  as  coming  from  him. 

The  cry  of  the  North  was  that  the  negroes  must  be 
freed  ;  and  the  South,  not  willing  to  do  this,  severed  itself 
from  the  Union  and  established  a  government  of  its  own, 
in  which  to  perpstuate  their  bondage  Jefferson  Davis 
was  elected  President  of  the  newly-formed  Southern  Con 
federacy  ;  the  Confederate  flag  was  raised,  and  Confed 
erate  money  issued. 

Even  after  the  war  broke  out,  had  the  Confederacy 
accepted  the  compromise  measures  offered  by  the  North, 
the  freedom  of  the  slaves  would  have  been  delayed  ;  but 
God  willed  otherwise,  and  the  war  continued.  Father 
was  arrayed  against  son,  and  brother  against  brother 
H  »mes  and  families  were  divided  by  this  dreadful  strife, 
and  the  pleasant  Southland  was  devastated  and  laid 
waste. 

General  Bragg  was  commander  of  the  fort  in  the  little 
town  where  I  had  made  my  home,  and  the  whole  place 
was  turned  into  military  headquarters.  Under  the  orders 
of  the  General  we,  who  had  no  military  duties  there,  had 
to  remove  and  go  elsewhere.  The  cry  of  battle  was  on 
every  side  ;  all  was  excitement  and  confusion.  Individual 
rights  are  lost  sight  of  in  the  clash  of  great  armies,  and  I 
was  forced  to  abandon  my  loved  cottage,  and,  bidding  it 
a  sad  farewell,  looked  for  shelter  outside  those  familiar 
walls. 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  27 

Retreat  !"  they  shout.     "  The  enemy 

Is  close  upon  the  town  !" 
No  time  is  there  for  fond  farewells 

'Neath  grim  War's  threatening  frown. 

The  call  "  To  arms  !"  strikes  every  heart 

With  over-mastering  dread, 
For  well  we  know  the  morrow's  sun 

Will  shine  on  dear  ones  dead. 

The  sullen  roar  of  cannonade 

Pervades  the  summer  air  ; 
The  hail  of  grape-shot  thickly  falls 

Upon  the  blossoms  fair. 

In  battle's  front,  my  well-loved  home, 

A  sacrifice  thou  art 
To  human  passions  fiercely  roused, 

And  thou  and  I  must  part. 


28  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 


My  War-Time  Experiences. 


Having  never  read  a  history  of  the  Civil  War,  written 
by  either  side,  I  rely  for  this  narrative  upon  what  I  saw 
with  my  own  eyes  and  personally  experienced  ;  and  I 
shall  endeavor  to  relate  this  part  of  my  life,  both  spiritual 
and  secular,  exactly  as  I  passed  through  it.  As  far  as  it 
goes,  therefore,  it  will  be  a  truthful  history  of  ihat  time. 

It  was  in  mid-summer  of  1863  when  we  left  Tulla- 
homa  going  thence  to  Dalton,  Georgia,  and  remaining 
there  until  after  the  battle  of  Chickamauga,  which  was 
then  pending.  After  this  battle  the  citizens  of  Dalton 
received  a  request  from  headquarters  to  assist  in  caring 
for  the  wounded  when  the  cars  reached  their  town,  and  I 
assisted  in  this  work  until  all  the  wounded  were  brought 
in  from  the  battle-field.  I  ministered  to  Federals  as  well 
as  to  Confederates,  but  I  dared  not  express  sympathy, 
lest  I  might  show  my  colors  ;  for  1  was  not  in  favor  of 
slavery,  and  it  would  have  been  dangerous,  situated  as  I 
was,  to  express  my  true  sentiments. 

After  this  work  was  finished  we  went  on  to  Atlanta, 
and  I  had  been  there  only  twelve  months  when  the  bom 
bardment  of  that  place  began.  We  were  cut  off  from  all 
outside  supplies,  and  all  drew  rations  from  the  common 
stock  stored  in  the  city,  while  the  prices  for  everything 
that  could  be  purchased  were  most  exhorbitant. 

General  Hood  was  in  command  at  Atlanta,  and  the 
town  was  strongly  fortified  ;  but  it  could  not  resist  the 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  29 

attack  of  General  Sherman's  powerful  army,  forcing  its 
way  to  the  sea,  and  leaving  death  and  desolation  in  its 
track.  In  the  month  of  July,  1864,  General  Sherman 
demanded  the  surrender  of  the  city,  and  stated  that  if  this 
was  refused  a  certain  number  of  days  would  be  allowed 
for  the  removal  of  women  and  children,  and  that  then  the 
bombardment  would  begin.  The  Federal  army  had  been 
reenforced,  and  their  batteries  were  planted  in  favorable 
places  ready  to  open  fire  upon  the  doomed  town. 

Great  consternation  was  of  course  caused  by  these 
terrible  preparations  which  were  going  on  outside. 
Everything  seemed  turned  upside  down,  and  the  people 
rushed  aimlessly  hither  and  thither.  The  city  was 
crowded  at  the  time,  many  persons  living  in  the  open  air, 
where  women  did  their  cooking  without  shelter  under  the 
scorching  rays  of  the  summer  sun.  The  negroes  were 
crowded  together  in  barracks,  their  owners  doing  every 
thing  in  their  power  to  hold  them  fearing  that  ti\e  Yankees 
would  get  possession  of  them  and  set  them  free. 

About  half  of  the  inhabitants  left  the  place  during  the 
days  of  grace  given  us,  and  those  who  remained  sought 
underground  shelter  wherever  possible,  through  fear  of 
shot  and  shell.  I,  with  my  son  (who  was  no  weight  years 
old),  was,  with  some  other  persons,  temporarily  occupying 
a  cooper-sliop,  and  one  evening  a  gentleman  of  fine 
appearance  called  at  the  door.  He  was  on  his  way  home 
from  down  town,  and  told  us  that  his  name  was  J.  F. 
Warner,  and  that  he  was  the  Superintendent  of  the  State 
Gas  Works.  After  talking  for  some  he  said  to  me  : 

4 '  Are  you  not  very  uncomfortable  here  ?  Would  you 
not  like  to  come  up  to  my  house  to  live  ?' '  at  the  same 


30  LIFETIME;    RECOLLECTIONS. 

time  pointing  out  his  house,  which  was  a  beautiful  place, 
surrounded  by  trees  and  situated  upon  a  little  hill. 

I  thanked  him,  and  said  that  I  should  like  to  go  very 
much  ;  and  he  then  said  : 

"  Will  you  come  with  me  now  ?  I  have  a  little  daugh 
ter,  eight  years  old.  My  wife  died  a  short  time  ago,  and 
the  nurse  who  has  been  taking  care  of  my  child  and  look 
ing  after  the  house  has  left  the  city  to  escape  the  bom 
bardment.  I  should  like  you  to  care  for  my  little  girl." 

I  assented,  and,  taking  my  boy,  went  with  this  good 
and  kind-hearted  man  to  his  home,  which  I  found  to  be  a 
cottage  of  six  or  seven  rooms,  well  furnished,  and  sup 
plied  not  only  with  the  comforts,  but  the  luxuries,  of  life. 
After  showing  me  through  the  house,  Mr.  Warner  said  : 

"You  can  make  this  your  home,  for  I  am  only  wait 
ing  for  the  way  to  open  so  that  I  can  go  North." 

His  wife,  I  learned,  had  left  a  young  baby  when  she 
died,  which  had  already  been  sent  North  to  the  care  of 
friends. 

The  position  held  by  Mr.  Warner  had,  for  a  time, 
exempted  him  from  conscription  in  the  Southern  Army  ; 
but  he  was  then  at  home  on  a  furlough,  having  been  at 
last  compelled  to  go  into  the  field.  Mr.  Warner  was  loyal 
to  the  Union,  and  did  not  wish  to  do  anything  against 
his  principles,  but  the  time  had  arrived  when  he  must 
make  a  decision  as  to  what  course  to  pursue.  His  fur 
lough  had  expired,  and  I  had  been  but  a  short  time  in 
his  house  when  Sherman  s  army  began  the  siege.  He 
decided  not  to  return  to  the  army,  and  he  was  so  closely 
pursued  by  the  Confederate  conscript  officers  that  he  had 
to  secrete  himself  as  much  as  possible. 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  31 

A  man  named  Michael  Campbell,  who  had  been  a 
Sergeant  in  the  army,  but  had  been  laid  off  duty  because 
of  age  and  feebleness  was  employed  by  him  to  cafe  for 
the  garden  and  attend  to  the  outside  work,  and  the  two 
together  made  a  casket  of  brick,  dressed  off  smoothly  on 
the  inside,  which  was  just  large  enough  for  Mr.  Warner 
to  lie  down  in.  This  they  placed  under  that  gentleman's 
bedroom  floor,  and  made  a  trap-door  in  the  floor  near  the 
bed,  arranging  all  with  such  cleverness  that  no  one  could 
mistrust  anything  unusual.  This  being  done,  whenever 
we  saw  the  officers  coming,  or  thought  that  there  was 
any  danger  of  a  visit  from  them,  we  hid  our  employer  in 
the  casket  and  stood  sentinel  for  him — to  warn  him 
against  a  surprise — as  the  officers  were  then  threatening 
his  life. 

The  bombardment  became  daily  more  and  more  terrible. 
Shot  and  shell  fell  upon  the  houses  like  a  storm  of  hdl. 
and  the  roar  of  the  cannon  was  like  the  noise  of  a  tornado. 
Destruction  was  on  every  side  of  us.  We  made  a  breast 
work  of  our  large  cotton  mattresses,  placing  them  in  front 
of  the  cellar,  and  got  behind  this  barricade,  but  found  our 
position  very  unsafe  and  sought  to  find  some  surer  pro 
tection. 

There  was  in  the  center  of  the  yard  an  unused  well, 
forty-eight  feet  deep  and  Michael  Campbell  took  a  pick 
and  shovel  and  dug  a  hole  in  the  side  of  this,  half-way 
down,  just  large  enough  for  us  to  crowd  into.  While 
this  place  of.  refuge  was  being  prepared  the  conscript 
officer  came  to  the  house.  Mr.  Warner  managed  to  get 
into  the  casket  in  time,  and  Ixwas  standing  guard 

The  officer  inquired  of  me  where   Mr.  Warner  was, 


32  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

and  I  told  him  that  we  had  just  received  a  message  from 
him  and  that  he  would  soon  be  home.  He  said  :  "  I  will 
fix  him  when  I  get  him."  But,  while  he  said  these 
words,  he  was  standing  almost  on  the  place  where  the 
man  for  whom  he  sought  was  concealed,  and  left  the 
house  without  even  suspecting  the  fact. 

We  took  possession  at  once  of  our  quarters  in  the  well, 
going  down  to  them  by  means  of  a  hook  and  ladder ;  and 
I  felt  thankful  that  our  lives  were  secure  for  at  least  a 
short  time,  although  the  terrific  explosions  of  the  shells 
above  our  heads  shook  the  whole  foundation,  and  it 
seemed  at  times  as  though  the  earth  would  cave  in  on 
us  and  send  us  to  the  bottom  of  the  well,  and  bury  us 
there  We  could  scarcely  hear  each  other  speak  because 
of  the  noise  of  the  cannonading. 

Our  house  was  in  front  of  one  of  the  batteries  which 
was  firing  at  the  State  shop  and  gas  works,  but  I  had  to 
j:o  there  to  prepare  our  food.  As  far  as  possible  I  did  so 
during  the  intervals  in  the  firing,  but  sometimes  I  was 
caught  and  the  shells  would  begin  to  fall  before  I  could 
get  back  to  shelter.  When  this  happened  I  would  catch 
up  in  my  hands  or  apron  anything  eatable  within  reach 
and  run  to  the  well,  where  the  family  were  quite  content, 
under  the  circumstances,  to  take  a  ''bite"  out  of  my 
fingers  without  thinking  of  ceremony. 


LIFETIME.  RECOLLECTIONS.  33 


A  Midnight  Tragedy. 


So  far  during  the  siege  we  had  all,  with  the  exception 
of  Mr.  Warner,  who  would  never  risk  it,  slept  upstairs  in 
our  beds  ;  and  we  had  become  so  accustomed  to  the  roar 
of  the  shots  and  shells  that  their  noise  hushed  us  to  sleep. 
The  little  girl,  however,  became  ill  from  the  dampness  of 
the  well,  and  the  father,  who  was  giving  her  some  simple 
treatment,  decided  that  for  his  child's  sake  he  would 
break  his  rule  and  sleep  with  her  in  his  room.  So  it  was 
that  on  one  fatal  evening  he  bade  us  good  night,  and, 
taking  the  little  one  with  him,  went  to  his  long  unused 
apartment  and  to  bed. 

It  was  between  eleven  and  twelve  o'clock  when  I  was 
awakened  by  the  sound  of  groans,  and  thought  that 
probably  some  soldier  near  by  had  been  struck  by  a  shell. 
I  rose  and  called  Michael  Campbell,  who  slept  in  a  room 
adjoining,  and  told  him  that  some  one  was  wounded  close 
at  hand.  He  listened,  and  then  rushed  to  Mr.  Warner's 
chamber,  where  he  found  a  twenty-four  pound  shell  still 
hot  and  unexploded. 

This  shell  had  passed  through  the  wall,  striking  both 
Mr.  Warner  and  Lizzie  as  they  lay  in  the  bed,  and  demol 
ishing  almost  everything  in  the  room.  The  child  had 
been  killed  instantly  as  she  lay  asleep,  with  a  smile  on  her 
face,  and  her  father  was  fatally  wounded,  as  both  legs 
were  severed  from  his  body. 

When  I  spoke  to  him,  he  said  calmly  :     - 


34  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 

"  I  shall  not  live.  I  shall  soon  be  with  Susy  in 
heaven." 

Fifteen  minutes  after  that  he  died  ;  but,  during  that 
interval  he  called  for  paper  and  wrote  his  will  one  of  us 
guiding  his  hand,  and  gave  us  many  instructions  and 
directions  Then  he  called  for  a  glass  of  water  and 
passed  quietly  away. 

While  this  was  going  on  we  had  hard  work  to  get 
three  of  his  loyal  friends  out  of  their  bomb-proofs  to  come 
and  see  him ;  and.  when  at  last  they  did  come,  one  of 
them  fainted  when  he  beheld  the  ruin,  and  another  had 
to  be  assisted  from  the  room.  These  friends  hastened 
quickly  back  to  their  bomb-proofs  and  left  us  alone  with 
the  dead. 

All  this  time  I  had  left  my  son  alone,  for  I  had  forgot 
ten  him  entirely  while  attending  to  Mr.  Warner  and 
Lizzie,  but  when  Mr.  Warner  was  no  longer  alive  I  was 
free  to  care  for  him.  I  nearly  fainted  in  the  effort  to  get 
him  out  of  the  house,  for  the  missiles  of  death  were  flying 
in  every  direction,  and  I  had  to  face  the  cannon  that  was 
turned  directly  upon  us.  I  pulled  the  frightened  child 
out  of  bed  and  managed  to  get  him  down  into  the  well  ; 
and  then  I  sat  down  and  wept,  crying  at  the  top  of  my 
voice,  but  there  was  no  one  to  come  to  my  relief,  or  even 
to  hear  me. 

The  following  is  an  extract  from  an  article  written 
about  this  sad  disaster  by  a  reporter  for  the  New  York 
''Tribune,"  who  interviewed  Michael  Campbell  and 
myself  after  the  fall  of  Atlanta  : 

"THE  WARNKR  FAMILY  CALAMITY. 
"On  the  night  of  the  3d  of  August,   1864,   as  shot 


RECOLLECTIONS.  35 

and  shell  whistled  and  hummed  as  they  tore  through  the 
heavens  on  their  raid  of  death  and  desolation,  what  a 
night  of  horror  was  spent  in  that  afflicted  mansion  no  one 
can  ever  tell  but  the  brave  inmates  of  that  house.  The 
midnight  air  without  a  ray,  and  the  streets  of  the  deserted 
city  reverberated  with  the  demoniac  shrieks  of  the  savage 
shells  as  they  seethed  and  tore  through  the  heavens  on 
their  raid  of  death  and  desolation." 

These  verses  came  to  me  as  I  sat  meditating  in  the 
well  on  that  night  of  terror  and  disaster  : 

When  the  midnight  cry  began,  O  what  lamentation  ! 
Thousands  sleeping  in  their  sins,  neglecting  their  salvation. 

When  this  cruel  war  is  over, 

And  the  sun  of  peace  shall  rise, 
We  will  shout  and  sing  together, 

And  our  gladness  fill  the  skies. 

When  this  cruel  war  is  over. 

With  its  scenes  of  blood  and  strife, 
Truth  shall  then  be  crowned  with  victory — 

Freedom  quickened  into  life. 

When  this  cruel  war  is  over, 

And  the  roll  is  called  no  more, 
We  will  sing  heaven's  glorious  anthems, 

Meeting  on  the  other  shore.  C.  R.  M. 

Two  da}^s  after  this  Sherman's  army  surrounded 
Atlanta  ;  the  doomed  city  surrendered,  and  peace  was 
proclaimed  therein.  I  came  out  of  my  hiding  place, 
when  I  heard  the  cry  :  "  Atlanta  has  surrendered  !"  and 
I  felt  like  .shouting,  so  great  was  my  relief  and  thankful 
ness.  I  hoisted  a  white  flag,  rejoicing  exceedingly.  It 


LIFETIME   RECOIXKCTIONS  36 

seemed  as  though  the  resurrection  had  come,  and, 
although  everything  was  in  ruins,  yet  our  old  Mother 
Earth  looked  beautiful  to  me,  with  the  sky  and  the  sun 
smiling  down  upon  us.  I  felt  like  making  a  public  feast 
and  calling  in  the  people,  that -we  might  rejoice  together. 
Surely  no  one  can  express  the  feelings  of  persons  long 
prisoned  underground  when  they  are  restored  to  light 
and  life  again  ;  and  no  pen  of  mine  can  ever  tell  what  we 
besieged  ones  had  passed  through  during  those  days  and 
nights  spent  under  the  awful  shadow  of  ever-threatening 
death. 

As  soon  as  possible  after  the  fatal  catastrophe  which 
had  so  suddenly  broken  up  our  household,  we  sent  a 
telegram  to  Mr.  Warner's  brother,  Charles,  and  he  arrived 
in  Atlanta  just  after  the  double  burial,  so  that  all  that 
remained  for  him  to  do  was  to  take  charge  of  Mr.  War 
ner's  effects  and  return  to  his  own  home.  The  murderous 
shell  I  gave  to  a  Boston  reporter,  helping  him  to  box  it 
up  to  send  to  the  Boston  Museum,  there  to  be  exhibited 
for  the  benefit  of  the  National  Soldiers'  and  Sailors' 
Widows  and  Orphans  ;  and  so  this  sad  episode  of  my  life 
closed. 

The  day  after  the  fall  of  Atlanta  some  officers  and 
inspectors  from  Sherman's  army  came  walking  by  the 
house,  and  I  heard  them  say  :  "  This  place  has  suffered  ," 
but,  when  they  went  inside  and  beheld  the  walls  and  floor 
and  the  whole  extent  of  the  destruction,  they  were  .sur 
prised  indeed. 

I  said  to  them,  in  answer  to  their  inquiries  : 

"  All  this  is  due  to  you  ;  you  have  removed  all  that 
was  in  this  house,  except  what  you  now  see  :"  and  when 
I  related  all  the  sad  circumstances  to  them,  they  expressed 
sincere  and  heartfelt  sorrow. 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  37 


With  the  Atlanta  Refugees. 

Again  the  time  had  come  for  me  to  wander,  for  the 
officers  in  charge  of  the  fallen  city  quickly  made  prepara 
tions  to  send  its  inhabitants  elsewhere.  General  Sherman 
chartered  a  train  to  carry  the  refugees  away,  and  when  it 
rolled  in  we  all  hastened  to  get  aboard.  Soon  after  we 
started  a  trainload  of  Yankee  soldiers  passed  by  us  and 
began  singing  "The  Bonnie  Blue  Flag,"  and  "  Hurrah, 
Hurrah!  For  the  homespun  Dresses,  Hurrah!"  I 
fancied  that  they  looked  at  me  when  they  sang  this  song, 
and  I  felt  very  uncomfortable,  for  I  was  like  the  snail  in 
that  all  that  I  possessed  was  on  my  back  ;  and,  although 
my  dress  had  been  very  expensive,  it  was  then  soiled  and 
looked,  as  did  the  garments  of  all  the  other  refugees, 
exceedingly  cheap  and  poor. 

I  had  been  very  unfortunate  about  my  personal  belong 
ings,  for  when  I  went  to  Atlanta  my  trunks  went  astray, 
and  I  never  saw  them,  or  any  of  their  contents,  again. 
At  the  beginning  of  the  siege  everything  had  gone  up  in 
price,  but  I  had  been  able  to  buy  a  pair  of  shoes  and  a 
dress,  the  dress  being  of  "store  cotton,"  a  common 
checked  goods,  but  costing  seventy-five  dollars  in  Confed 
erate  money,  while  the  shoes  cost  as  much  more.  The 
latest  fashion  for  ladies'  dresses  in  Atlanta  at  this  time 
was  the  "Confederate  uniform,"  so  my  costume  was 
made  up  in  military  style. 

We  were  now  going  we  knew  not  where,  only  that  it 
was  away  from  the  Confederacy.  We  found,  however, 


38  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

that  our  destination  was  Cincinnati,  where  there  was  a 
temporary  abiding  place  established,  called  the  "  Refugees' 
Home,"  for  those  who  were  banished  from  their  own 
homes  and  country.  Into  this  place  we  were  taken 
immediately  upon  our  arrival  in  the  city  ;  but,  finding 
it  not  suitable  for  any  one  to  remain  in,  I  left  it,  after 
passing  one  night  there,  and  determined  to  seek  other 
quarters. 

Having  no  money  and  no  friends  I  was  quite  at  a  loss 
what  to  do,  but  secured  a  good  breakfast  through  the 
kindness  of  the  proprietor  of  one  of  the  fine  hotels,  to 
whom  I  told  my  story.  After  this  I  had  more  courage, 
and  set  about  trying  to  find  some  one  who  would  help  me 
to  obtain  shelter  ;  but  I  found  this  a  difficult  task  at  first, 
since  the  majority  of  people  whom  I  met  looked  upon  all 
the  refugees  as  traitors,  and  it  seemed  necessary  only  to 
say  that  one  was  from  the  South  in  order  to  be  judged 
wickedly. 

At  last,  however,  I  was  directed  to  call  upon  a  Mrs. 
Flynn,  the  wife  of  Judge  Flynn,  who  was  a  woman 
prominent  as  an  orator,  and  was  also  a  "  Copperhead,"  as 
rebel  sympathizers  were  called.  When  I  told  this  lady 
my  story  she  welcomed  me  into  her  home  until  such  a 
time  as  I  could  help  myself,  and  then  took  me  out  with 
her,  promenading  the  streets  of  the  city,  showing  me  to 
the  people  and  making  speeches  in  my  behalf.  She  would 
have  me  come  forward  at  each  place  where  she  spoke  and 
put  out  my  foot  to  exhibit  my  shoes,  and  tell  the  price  of 
them  and  the  soiled  Confederate  uniform  dress  which  I 
wore.  Every  possible  kindness  was  bestowed  upon  me 
as  I  was  taken  around  and  shown  to  the  people. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  39 

I  was  advised  to  call  upon  a  Mr.  Bartlett,  who  kept  the 
Union  Commissary  store,  which  was  established  for  the 
assistance  of  the  widows  and  orphans  of  Union  soldiers, 
and  not  for  Confederates  or  refugees  from  Atlanta.  He 
bade  me  be  seated,  and  then  asked  :  "  What  can  I  do  for 
you  ?" 

"  Anything,"  I  answered. 

"  Where  are  you  from  ?     Atlanta  ?" 

"Yes/'  I  answered. 

"  Were  you  in  the  bombardment  ?  I  read  a  report  of 
the  siege  yesterday." 

I  handed  him  the  New  York  "  Tribune,"  which  con 
tained  an  account  of  the  Warner  family  calamity,  and  he 
said : 

"  Are  you  the  lady  spoken  of  in  that  report  ?" 

I  told  him  that  I  was,  and  his  next  words  were  : 

"  What  do  you  need  ?  This  place  is  for  Union  sol 
diers'  widows  and  orphans,  but  you  can  have  anything 
you  want  in  dry  goods  or  groceries.  What  are  you  most 
in  need  of  ?' ' 

"  All  that  I  own,"  I  replied,  "  I  am  now  wearing,  and 
I  will  gladly  take  anything  that  you  will  give  me." 

And  then  I  told  him  that  I  had  been  to  Mrs.  Judge 
Flynn,  a  Copperhead,  and  that  she  had  given  me  some 
shoes  ;  and  I  told  him  also  how  I  had  been  banished 
from  my  home  and  lost  all  my  belongings  of  every  kind, 
and  all  that  had  happened  to  me  during  the  past  months 
of  unrest  and  suffering.  When  I  told  him  that  I  had 
been  sent  to  the  Refugees'  Home,  but  had  left  it,  he  said 
that  I  was  quite  right  in  doing  so,  for  it  was  not  a  fit 
place  to  live  in. 


40  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

This  kind  gentleman  supplied  my  every  present  need, 
and  I  sincerely  rejoiced  over  the  finding  of  such  a  true 
friend  in  my  adversity.  I  was  afterwards  seen  by  a  man 
buying  goods  in  the  store  on  Mr.  Bartlett's  check,  and  he 
said  :  ''I  will  report  him  and  have  him  turned  out  of 
office  for  assisting  that  woman  from  Atlanta."  Such  was 
the  unkind  spirit  of  this  poor  sinner  who  knew  nothing 
about  me,  save  that  I  had  come  from  that  southern  city, 
and  therefore  supposed  me  to  be  a  secessionist. 

I  now  took  a  small  room  for  myself  and  son,  where  I 
spent  the  winter,  with  the  assistance  of  the  Union  Chris 
tian  Commission,  and  remained  quietly  until  spring 
opened  with  new  prospects,  as  on  April  14,  1865,  we 
celebrated  the  restoration  of  the  old  flag  over  all  the 
land. 

The  two  great  chieftains,  General  Lee,  of  the  Confed 
erate  army,  and  General  Grant,  of  the  Union  forces,  had 
met,  and  the  ceremony  of  absolute  surrender  had  been 
accomplished.  Many  bereaved  and  broken  hearts  revived 
with  the  hope  of  the  reunion  of  North  and  South  in  the 
bonds  of  peace  and  brotherly  love,  and  there  was  great 
rejoicing. 

On  the  next  day,  April  15,  however,  all  the  joy  was 
turned  into  mourning,  for  word  came  that  the  President, 
Abraham  Lincoln,  had  been  assassinated  in  a  theater  in 
Washington  on  the  previous  evening.  Great  excitement 
prevailed  all  over  the  nation  as  soon  as  this  awful  fact 
became  known,  and  it  was  a  time  for  us  who  were  from 
the  South  to  hold  our  peace,  for  we  were  all  looked  upon 
as  desperadoes  by  those  who  judged  wrongfully.  I 
crossed  the  river  and  went  to  Covington,  Kentucky,  on 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  4t 

this  day,  not  because  I  was  precisely  afraid  of  harm  com 
ing  to  me,  but  because  it  seemed  better  to  be  out  of  the 
city  during  such  a  time  of  grief  and  anger. 

The  way  now  opened  to  send  the  refugees  back  to  their 
homes,  and  with  my  little  boy  I  was  soon  on  my  way  to 
the  South.  I  first  went  to  Nashville,  then  to  Dalton, 
Georgia,  where  I  was  most  cordially  welcomed  and 
treated  with  a  kindness  which  I  have  never  forgotten.  I 
stayed  there,  however,  but  a  short  time,  returning  to  my 
mother  in  Dalton,  where  she  was  watching  her  little  home 
and  taking  care  of  the  sick  and  wounded.  She  had 
passed  through  many  dangers  and  narrow  escapes  during 
our  separation,  but  had  been  mercifully  spared,  and  I  was 
again  blessed  by  the  happiness  of  her  loving  presence,  and 
the  delight  of  once  more  feeling  myself  within  the  walls 
of  a  real  home. 

Though  those  days  are  long  since  passed,  these  recol 
lections  are  dear  to  my  memory,  and  I  think  both  with  joy 
and  sorrow  how  everything  has  changed  since  that  fateful 
July,  1863,  when  I  was  banished  from  home  to  endure 
exile  among  strangers.  Eternity  alone  can  tell  the  true 
and  complete  history  of  that  cruel  war  of  which  I  have 
here  related  only  my  own  hard  experience. 

Now  this  cruel  war  is  over, 

And  the  people  all  sent  home, 
Rejoice  and  sing  the,  anthems, 

No  more  do  we  have  to  roam  ! 
Glory,  glory,  hallelujah  ! 

We're  returning  to  our  home. 


42  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 


My  Claim  Against  the  Government. 


At  the  close  of  the  war  the  desolation  in  the  South 
was  appalling,  and  a  general  appeal  was  sent  forth  for 
help.  Everything  had  been  laid  in  ruins,  and  thousands 
of  people  had  been  stripped  of  all  that  they  owned.  In 
this  extremity  the  very  people  against  whom  we  had 
fought — our  supposed  enemies — raised  millions  of  dollars 
to  provide  food  and  clothing  and  other  necessaries  to  help 
and  comfort  those  whom  they  had  conquered. 

Nearly  every  one  in  the  South  had  to  begin  liie  anew, 
and  put  forth  every  possible  exertion  in  the  endeavor  to 
recover  from  the  deplorable  condition  in  which  the  war  had 
left  them.  Thousands  were  homeless  and  utterly  desti 
tute,  without  anything  whatever  by  means  of  which  to 
support  life.  The  suffering  of  that  time,  however,  makes 
too  sad  a  picture  to  dwell  upon.  Most  bravely  our 
Southern  brethren  fought  to  maintain  what  they  claimed 
was  right.  No  people  could  have  been  more  faithful  and 
devoted  ;  but  God  willed  otherwise  and  their  efforts  came 
to  naught.  I^et  us  be  thankful  that  those  days  of  dissen 
sion  and  consequent  misery  are  over  forever. 

Divided  we  fall,  united  we  stand  ; 
Unconquered  forever,  while  hand  clasps 

in  hand. 

God  is  right ;  right  is  right ; 
And  the  day  right  must  win. 
To  doubt  is  disloyal. 
To  falter  is  sin. 

Not  long  after  my  return  to  the  South  I  was  sent  to 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  43 

my  home  in  middle  Tennessee,  and  when  I  arrived  there 
I  knew  not  the  spot  where  my  house  had  stood,  except 
by  a  little  heap  of  earth  where  the  chimney  had  been. 
It  had  been  razed  to  the  ground,  and  had  utterly  dis 
appeared.  I  made  out  a  claim  for  the  loss  of  my 
property,  and  was  given  transportation  to  Washington 
City,  where  I  was  obliged  to  go  to  present  it  to  the 
proper  authorities. 

Taking  my  papers  to  the  Quartermaster  General, 
and  stating  my  business,  I  was  received  with  great 
kindness ;  sent  to  one  of  the  best  hotels  in  the  city, 
and  all  my  expenses,  such  as  hotel  bills,  street  car 
fare,  etc.,  were  paid  by  the  Quartermaster  General 
himself. 

After  my  visit  to  this  official  I  took  my  papers  to 
Andrew  Johnson,  who  was  then  President,  and  was  one 
who  loved  his  country  and  its  whole  people.  I  remem 
bered  him  as  a  tailor  in  Greenville,  the  home  of  my  early 
childhood,  for  he  used  to  dress  my  doll  for  me  in  the 
tailor  shop  there,  when  I  was  a  little  girl  seven  or  eight 
years  of  age  He  was  not  ashamed  of  his  humble 
friends,  but  retained  pleasant  memories  of  those  early 
days,  and  received  me  most  kindly.  He  personally 
examined  all  my  papers  and  afterwards  gave  me  trans 
portation  to  Boston,  where  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to 
go  after  leaving  my  claim  in  charge  of  the  Quartermaster 
General,  in  order  to  visit  the  headquarters  of  the  Chris 
tian  Relief  clothing  house  and  secure  something  to  wear. 

On  my  arrival  in  Boston  I  was  cordially  received  and 
well  cared  for,  and,  after  I  made  myself  fully  known,  I 
was  taken  to  a  house  that  was  filled  with  the  best  kind 


44  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 

of  clothing,  which  had  been  made  for  the  distressed  people 
of  the  South.  The  persons  in  charge  told  me  to  select 
for  myself,  and  allowed  me  to  pack  a  large  trunk  full  for 
myself,  and  also  to  take  some  for  my  mother.  I  can 
never  forget  their  goodness,  and  how  freely  they  bestowed 
their  much  needed  and  gratefully  received  charity  upon 
me.  Glad  indeed  it  made  my  mother  when  I  related  the 
story  of  my  travels  to  her,  and,  opening  my  trunk, 
showed  her  the  clothing  of  various  materials  and  quali 
ties,  all  finished  and  ready  to  wear,  which  those  kind 
people  had  sent  to  her.  This  dear  woman,  beloved  by  all 
who  knew  her,  fell  asleep  in  Jesus  at  the  age  of  eighty - 
six. 

A  VISION  OF  MY  MOTHER. 


The  memory  of  my  mother's  face 

The  years  have  never  dimmed, 
It  seems  to  me  a  fairer  one 

Than  artist  ever  limned. 
O,  mother,  though  long  years  have  fled 

Since  we  two  last  did  part, 
I  cannot  feel  that  you  are  dead — 

You  still  live  in  my  heart. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  45 


Wandering  Again. 


As  my  claim  was  not  paid  for  two  years,  and  I  had  no 
other  property  whatever,  I  found  myself  again  dependent 
on  the  hospitality  of  others  ;  and,  soon  after  my  return 
from  the  Kast  I  took  my  son  and  went  to  Hot  Springs, 
Arkansas,  where  I  remained  for  some  months  with  a 
sister  (Mrs.  A.  H  Honeycutt),  who  lived  there.  While 
here  I  was  again  enabled  to  enter  into  the  perfect  enjoy 
ment  of  the  privilege  of  divine  worship.  During  my 
many  trials  and  travels  to  and  fro,  the  precious  religion  of 
Christ  had  seemingly  been  crowded  away  from  its  rightful 
place  in  my  life  by  the  overpowering  rush  of  events,  which 
had  well  nigh  overhwelmed  me.  But  here  in  Hot  Springs 
there  were  two  or  three  little  churches,  and  they  were 
well  attended.  I  cannot  express  how  fully  I  appreciated 
the  opportunity,  which  was  now  again  mine,  of  entering 
a  house  of  prayer  and  listening  to  a  sermon  preached  by 
an  earnest  and  devout  minister,  who  seemed  to  know  just 
what  my  starved  heart  was  longing  for.  Surrounded 
here  by  Christian  friends,  I  felt  more  assured  than  ever 
that  the  I/ord  Himself  had  led  me  through  all  my  devious 
ways,  and  that  His  kindness  was  ever  round  about  me, 
though  at  times  I  had  not  realized  it.  The  saddest  part 
of  my  life  came  when  I  was  obliged  to  say  farewell  to 
those  who  made  my  stay  in  this  little  town  so  blessed 
to  me. 


46  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS 

"  When  we  asunder  part, 

It  gives  us  inward  pain  ; 
But  we  shall  still  be  joined  in  heart, 
And  hope  to  meet  again." 

When  my  time  was  up  at  Hot  Springs  I  joined  an 
emigrant  train  consisting  of  thirty  persons,  who  were 
bound  for  Western  Texas.  They  were  -well  equipped 
with  teams  and  everything  necessary  for  camp  life,  and  I 
was  given  a  fine  horse  and  saddle,  and  rode  in  front,  act 
ing  as  forager  for  the  company.  Our  lodgings  were 
tents,  and  we  were  all  well  armed  that  we  might  be  able 
to  repel  possible  attacks  from  savages.  Every  man  was  a 
forester  and  accustomed  to  the  woods,  and  we  had  the 
best  the  forests  afforded.  When  noon  came  I  turned  my 
steed  out  to  graze,  while  I  took  my  lunch  of  wild  fruits 
upon  the  grass.  My  health  was  excellent,  and  my  life 
was  like  a  pleasant  dream,  for  I  was  well  satisfied  with 
my  lot,  and  the  trip  was  most  enjoyable.  Even  here, 
however,  I  felt  lonely  and  friendless  at  times,  for  I  r<  al- 
ized  that  I  was  homeless,  and  that  this  journey,  pleasant 
as  it  was,  was  but  a  brief  respite  from  my  many  cares. 

The  end  of  my  trip  was  San  Antonio,  Texas,  for  I 
wished  to  visit  the  then  widow  of  my  brother-in-law, 
Thomas  Buchanan  ;  therefore  I  here  parted  from  the  rest 
of  the  company,  who  were  going  further  West. 

After  staying  with  my  widowed  relative  for  awhile  I 
went  to  Galveston,  thence  by  steamer  to  New  Orleans  ; 
then  went  again  to  Hot  Springs,  and  from  there  to  Knox- 
ville.  Here  I  found  a  notice  awaiting  me  in  the  Post 
Office  that,  after  the  two  years,  my  claim  had  been  allowed 
in  Washington.  I  accepted  this  good  news  as  from  the 
hand  of  the  Lord,  who  is  the  author  and  giver  of  every 
blessing,  and  was  sincerely  thankful,  for  the  money  was 
very  welcome  at  that  time. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  47 


Across  the  Continent. 


In  the  year  1849  I  first  heard  o!  California.  I  was 
then  twenty  years  old  and  staying  at  the  home  of  my 
parents.  The  fame  of  this  glorious  Western  State  for 
wealth  and  fruitfulness  had  gone  forth  throughout  the 
world,  and  I  then  resolved  at  some  time  in  the  future  to 
make  California  my  home.  I  even  repeated  the  name, 
which  was  quite  new  to  me,  in  order  to  make  it  familiar 
and  keep  it  in  my  memory.  That  the  Lord  in  His  own 
way  directs  the  footsteps  of  all  His  children,  will  be  seen 
plainly  by  those  who  read  this  history,  and  learn  how  my 
resolve  was  later  carried  out. 

I  read  from  time  to  time  after  this  of  the  cruel  attacks 
of  the  Indians  upon  the  emigrants  while  crossing  the 
plains,  and  began  after  awhile  to  think  it  doubtful  if  I 
should  ever  see  the  State  that  held  so  great  an  attraction 
for  me  In  September,  1874,  however,  the  Lord  opened 
the  way  for  me  to  make  the  change,  and  realize  the  desire 
that  had  for  twenty-five  years  been  planted  in  my  heart. 
I  had  at  that  time  some  money  remaining  from  the 
amount  of  my  claim  for  the  destruction  of  my  house  dur 
ing  the  war,  and  I  determined  to  go  with  my  son,  who 
was  then  fifteen  years  old,  to  the  Golden  State. 

By  this  time  the  overland  railroad  had  been  completed, 
and  the  once  perilous  journey  was  one  of  comfort  and 
pleasure.  But,  as  I  looked  out  on  the  vast  plains,  1  s  iw 
no  human  beings  but  the  Indians,  living  in  their  wild  and 
natural  state,  and  I  felt  as  though  I  was  going  out  of  tjie 


4&  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

land  of  civilization  entirely.  My  heart  began  to  fail  me, 
and  I  wondered  if  I  should  find  myself  in  a  wild  and 
uninhabitable  country  at  the  end  of  my  trip.  My  fears 
vanished,  however,  as  we  went  further  on,  and  I  saw  the 
wonderful  works  of  nature — the  great  mountain  ranges 
with  their  snow-capped  peaks  and  rocky  heights,  and  the 
noble  trees  and  beautiful  valleys  in  the  depths  below. 
Nature,  through  her  beauty  and  grandeur,  spoke  to  me 
in  a  thousand  tongues. 

Ogden,  Utah,  was  at  that  time  quite  a  small  place,  but 
its  people  seemed  very  business  like  and  ambitious.  We 
stopped  there  twenty  minutes  for  dinner,  and  then 
resumed  our  journey  on  the  Central  Pacific  Railrond, 
arriving  safely  at  Sacramento,  the  capital  of  California. 
Here  we  went  to  a  hotel  for  rest  and  refreshment,  and  for 
the  first  time  to  take  a  view  of  a  California  city.  We 
remained  here  for  a  few  days,  then  went  by  boat  to  San 
Francisco,  reaching  there  in  the  latter  part  of  September, 
and  putting  up  at  the  American  Exchange  Hotel,  on 
Sansome  street,  where  we  remained  for  a  short  time. 

I  was  delighted  with  San  Francisco,  as  I  have  ever 
been  since.  It  seemed,  when  I  at  last  arrived  there,  as 
though  a  sudden  light  had  broken  upon  me  and  I  had 
passed  out  from  an  old  world  into  a  new.  The  city  was 
full  of  life  and  enterprise,  and  its  busy  streets  were  filled 
with  people  from  every  nation  and  clime.  Everything 
seemed  to  run  smoothly  and  prosperously.  I  looked  out 
upon  the  Pacific  Ocean  and  saw  a  picture  of  beauty  in 
the  blue  expanse,  bearing  upon  its  bosom  ships  from  all 
parts  of  the  world. 

It  was  interesting  to  see  the  old  pioneers  who,  in  the 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  49 

early  days,  had  risked  their  lives  to  come  to  this  new 
country  and  establish  the  civilization  of  the  East ;  but  it 
was  more  interesting  even  to  hear  them  tell  the  story  of 
their  journey  across  the  plains,  their  dangers  and  their 
hardships. 

But  few  remain  now  of  those  grand  and  patriotic  men 
who  planted  civilization  on  this  shore,  and  opened  the 
way  for  the  thousands  who  were  to  follow  them,  but  let 
us  never  forget  how  much  we  owe  to  them  for  their  bravery 
and  their  indomitable  will  in  overcoming  difficulties. 
Let  their  names  be  revered,  and  their  memories  held 
sacred  ;  for,  through  their  instrumentality,  a  land  once 
inhabited  only  by  wild  beasts  and  savages  is  now  filled 
with  cities,  and  is  the  home  of  an  aspiring  and  progres 
sive  people.  As  we  think  of  these  men  who  have  now 
passed  on  to  their  reward,  after  accomplishing  so  much, 
let  us  who  remain  live  in  the  assurance  of  the  hope  that 
we  shall  meet  them  hereafter  face  to  face. 

Providence  has  been  kind  to  these  California  people 
and  given  them  great  wealth,  with  which  they  are  truly 
generous.  When  sickness,  or  famine,  or  other  great  mis 
fortune  has  overtaken  other  parts  of  our  country,  or  other 
nations,  they  have  always  responded  most  freely  to  every 
call  for  help;  and  "the  stranger  that  is  within  their 
gates,"  if  suffering  from  adversity,  has  only  to  make  his 
condition  known  to  receive  help  and  comfort  in  most 
lavish  measure. 

In  a  few  years  San  Francisco,  once  a  straggling  vil 
lage,  has  grown  to  be  a  mighty  city,  and  her  fame  has 
reached  the  uttermost  parts  of  the  world,  while,  like 
other  great  cities,  it  is  by  no  means  free  from  different 


50  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

forms  of  vice  ;  and  among  its  inhabitants  there  are  not  a 
few  who  have  become  victims  of  dissipation.  While 
crimes  are  committed  here,  as  elsewhere,  and  people  who 
violate  the  laws  of  God  and  man  die  in  their  iniquity,  yet 
our  beautiful  city  is  a  place  to  be  ever  proud  of,  and  has 
been  mercifully  sustained  and  preserved  by  the  hand  of  a 
kind  and  beneficent  Providence  from  the  time  of  its 
founding  on  the  shores  of  our  magnificent  bay. 

But  to  return  to  my  story  :  My  son  had  been  in  feeble 
health  for  some  time  before  I  came  to  this  coast,  and  was 
still  ill  when  we  arrived  here,  and  I  should  have  been  in 
great  trouble  had  it  not  been  for  the  good  will  manifested 
by  others.  Although  I  was  a  complete  stranger  to  the 
people  here,  I  was  never  allowed  to  suffer  for  anything. 
My  means  were  about  exhausted,  but  I  was  readily 
assisted  in  paying  cur  room  rent  and  board  bills,  and 
helped  to  employment.  I  was  familiar  with  tailor  work 
before  I  came  West,  but  found  that  I  could  not  compete 
with  those  already  established,  even  to  the  extent  of 
running  a  repair  shop  ;  other  ways,  however,  were  found 
for  me  in  which  to  earn  a  living  for  myself  and  son,  and 
I  now  look  back  gratefully  upon  all  the  proofs  of  Chris 
tian  charity  that  I  received  when  I  was  here,  an  utter 
strangei,  and  felt  that  I  had  not  a  friend  in  the  world, 
only  as  a  kind  Providence  raised  one  up  for  me  in  time  of 
need.  All  these  deeds  of  kindness  I  received  as  coming 
from  the  hands  of  the  Lord. 

After  staying  at  the  American  Exchange  for  awhile  I 
took  a  room  in  the  Morton  House,  then  kept  by  Mr. 
Graham,  where  my  son  and  I  remained  until  spring,  being 
very  well  treated  by  both  the  proprietor  and  his  wife. 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  51 

My  son  still  continued  to  be  in  ill  health,  and  we  were 
advised  to  go  to  Oakland  for  his  benefit,  as  it  seemed  im 
possible  for  him  to  recover  from  his  persistent  chills  and 
fever  here.  When  the  time  came  for  me  to  make  the 
change  I  had  no  money  to  pay  our  bills  at  the  hotel,  and 
the  generous  people  of  the  city  paid  everything  that  we 
owed,  and  supplied  our  every  need,  seeing  that  we  lacked 
nothing.  Such  kindnesses  are  indeed  ever  precious 
memories. 


52  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 


My  Sanctification. 


Soon  after  my  arrival  in  San  Francisco  an  angel 
messenger  sent  of  God  came  to  speak  to  me,  and  this 
messenger  was  a  power  in  the  hand  of  the  Lord  in  leading 
me  to  seek  and  accept  Christ  as  my  sanctifier  and  com 
plete  Saviour.  It  was  twenty-five  years  between  my 
experiences  of  justification  and  sanctification,  and  I 
believe  that  the  Lord  sent  me  to  California  to  complete 
the  work  of  grace  in  me.  It  is  customary  with  some 
scoffers  10  call  San  Francisco  a  "Godless  city,"  and  such 
an  one  said  to  me  once,  when  I  made  this  assertion  : 
"Well,  you  came  to  a  queer  country  to  be  saved  by 
divine  grace." 

That  may  be  true,  but  nevertheless  "  God  moves  in  a 
mysterious  way  "  to  save  His  wandering  children,  and  I 
never  found  a  better  place  in  the  world  to  get  complete 
with  Christ  than  is  this  very  San  Francisco.  Our  Saviour 
has  stooped  low  enough  in  this  city  to  lift  up  thousands 
of  sinners  out  of  the  miry  clay  and  the  horrible  pit  and 
bring  them  straight  to  the  fold  of  God,  therefore  I  think 
that  this  place  ought  to  be  good  enough  for  any  one  to 
seek  salvation  in  ;  and  I  want  to  invite  all  who  have 
never  sought  or  found  Him  to  come  here,  for  He  is  surely 
with  those  who  love  Him — here,  as  elsewhere. 

About  two  years  and  a-half  after  my  arrival  in  Cali 
fornia  I  was  sent  out  by  the  Rev.  John  B.  Hill,  of  the 
Methodist  Book  Depository,  as  Bible  agent,  and  first  went 
to  Watsonville,  where  I  stopped  at  the  home  of  the  Rev. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  53 

Mr.  Wickes,  pastor  of  the  Methodist  Church  in  that 
town.  On  the  day  after  I  reached  Watsonville  a  great 
grief  came  to  me,  for  I  saw  in  the  San  Francisco  4<  Chron 
icle  "  that  my  son,  through  a  misstep,  had  been  thrown 
under  the  cars  at  Seventh  street  and  Broadway,  in  Oak 
land,  and  had  been  so  badly  injured  that  he  survived  but 
a  short  time,  dying  July  25,  1876. 

I  had  been  very  zealous  for  the  Lord  before  this,  and 
had  been  walking  in  perfect  love  ;  but  now  I  felt  that  I 
had  grieved  Him  and  that  the  light  of  His  countenance 
was  withdrawn  from  me.  Pride  and  vanity  had  come 
into  my  heart,  and  I  shut  myself  up  in  solitude  and  took 
my  burden  to  Him.  This  lasted  two  or  three  days,  but 
as  I  came  to  Him  in  prayer  I  received  my  answer  through 
an  inner  voice.  I  had  made  an  idol  of  my  child,  and  the 
Lord  said  :  "  Will  you  give  him  up  to  Me  ?" 

When  I  could  at  last  say:  ''Yes,  Lord,  take  him," 
the  burden  rolled  away,  and  the  Lord  healed  my  broken 
heart. 

One  year  from  the  date  of  my  son's  death  I  was  united 
in'  marriage— my  first  husband  having  died  in  Nashville, 
Tennessee,  two  years  after  the  close  of  the  war — to  P.  H. 
Molineux,  in  San  Francisco,  but  my  married  life  with 
him  only  lasted  for  nine  years,  as  he  died  November  8th, 
1886.  Both  of  my  husbands  served  as  soldiers  in  the 
Union  army. 


54  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 


Called  to  Preach. 


In  the  year  1887,  after  passing  through  the  experi 
ences  which  I  have  narrated,  I  was  called  by  the  Holy 
Ghost  to  preach  the  gospel  of  Christ.  I  obeyed  the  voice 
and  went  out,  as  did  Abraham,  not  knowing  whither  I 
was  going.  The  Lord,  who  says  :  "The  silver  is  mine, 
the  gold  is  mine,"  showed  me  how  to  travel  with  a  valise 
instead  of  a  trunk  ;  He  showed  me  what  impediments 
such  things  were  to  me,  and  how,  if  I  laid  these  burdens 
aside,  He  would  supply  all  my  needs,  both  physical  and 
spiritual.  I  obeyed  Him,  and  sent  all  my  clothing,  ex 
cept  a  change  of  garments,  to  the  poor,  and  thenceforth  I 
found  that  His  promise  was  fulfilled,  and  that  I  lacked 
for  nothing.  He  showed  me,  moreover,  how  to  lay  all 
my  burdens  down  ;  that  I  was  redeemed  ;  and  that  I  must 
hereafter  live  a  life  separate  from  the  world.  I  then  had 
a  light  heart,  and  was  filled  with  a  feeling  of  perfect  rest 
and  peace,  and  a  blessed  assurance  which  the  world  can 
neither  give  nor  take  away. 

Soon  after  I  was  restored  to  the  joy  of  His  salvation, 
and  felt  that  I  was  called  to  speak  in  public  for  the  L/ord, 
I  was  endued  with  great  power  to  this  end.  I  had  then 
been  in  California  twelve  years,  and,  deciding  to  visit  the 
East  for  a  change  and  to  see  my  relatives,  I  went  to  my 
sister,  Mrs.  Honeycutt,  in  Hot  Springs,  Arkansas. 

Winter  set  in  soon  after  my  arrival,  and  the  deep  snow 
and  freezing  weather  kept  me  so  imprisoned  indoors  that 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  55 

I  saw  but  few  of  my  friends  until  spring,  when  a  revival, 
conducted  by  Harry  May  and  other  evangelists,  opened 
in  the  Methodist  Church. 

People  came  from  every  direction  to  these  services,  and 
the  church  was  rilled  at  every  meeting.  I  was  one  of  the 
chief  workers,  and  as,  while  attending  these  meetings  and 
working  among  these  penitents,  I  was  accustomed  to  wear 
a  light-colored  duster,  which  I  had  worn  on  my  journey, 
I  finally  became  known  as  the  "  White  Cloak  Evangelist," 
many  thinking  that  I  came  with  the  other  evangelists. 

I  was  at  this  time  a  living  witness  for  Christ.  I  was 
free  as  the  water  that  rippled  down  the  brook,  and  the 
Lord  used  me  in  these  meetings  for  the  conversion  of 
sinners,  'and  the  sanctification  of  nominal  professors. 
Soon  the  mighty  power  of  the  Holy  Ghost  came  down 
upon  the  people,  and,  the  little  church  being  too  small  to 
hold  them,  a  tent  was  put  up  in  the  center  of  the  town 
and  the  services  held  therein.  The  meetings  were  some 
times  continued  until  midnight,  and  the  shouts  of  triumph 
and  victory  rang  in  my  ears  day  and  night  for  a  month. 
Hundreds  came  to  the  tabernacle,  and  multitudes  of  souls 
were  brought  to  Christ.  The  Holy  Ghost  swept  along  in 
waves  of  glory,  and  we  earnest  ones  drank  freely  from  the 
fountain  of  life. 

Some  rejoiced,  and  some  did  weep  ; 
While  others  laughed,  or  fell  asleep. 

One  evening  Brother  Withers,  the  pastor  of  the  Meth 
odist  Church,  turned  to  the  congregation  and  said  :  "I 
am  sixty  years  old,  and  I  never  saw  anything  like  this 
before." 

He  t^en  came  clown  to  the  platform  arid  said  to  me  : 


56  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

' '  You  are  happy  all  the  time,  are  you  not  ?' ' 
"  Yes,"  1  said,  "  I  am  happy  all  the  time." 
As  I  was  one  of  the  principal  workers  I  always  stayed 
until  the  close  of  the  service,  and  then  would  go  alone 
through  the  unlighted  streets -to  my  room,  which  was 
nearly  a  mile  distant.  I  was  filled  with  grace  and  glory, 
and  my  health  was  so  renewed  that  the  loss  of  sleep  did 
not  affect  me.  This  proves  that  when  the  Lord  chooses 
one  to  do  His  work  He  fits  and  prepares  that  one  in  body, 
as  well  as  in  soul  and  spirit,  for  His  special  use  and 
service. 

After  the  close  of  the  tabernacle  meetings  I  one  day 
received  a  call  from  the  Rev.  Mr.  Newell,  founder  and 
pastor  of  the  Methodist  Church  in  South  Hot  Springs, 
who  has  since  passed  away.  He  had  seen  me  at  the 
meetings,  and  we  were  somewhat  acquainted  ;  neverthe 
less  I  was  surprised  when,  after  saying  that  it  had  been 
twenty  years  since  he  had  lost  his  companion,  he  asked 
me  to  become  his  wife.  He  also  said  that  he  had  a  house 
and  lot  which  he  would  gladly  give  me.  I,  however, 
declined  both  his  offers,  telling  him  that  I  intended  return 
ing  to  California  soon,  being  in  Hot  Springs  only  on  a 
visit,  and  neither  desired  to  marry  nor  to  encumber  myself 
with  property. 

Soon  after  this  I  did  return  to  California,  remaining 
thereuntil  1892.  Most  of  the  time  subsequent  to  1875,  I, 
while  in  California,  canvassed  for  books  during  the  day 
and  worked  in  gospel  meetings  at  night,  and  the  Lord 
blessed  me  in  whatever  I  laid  my  hands  to.  Christ  sent 
out  his  disciples  to  preach  the  gospel  and  heal  the  sick, 
and  He  told  me,  as  He  told  them,  to  provide  neither  gold 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  57 

or  silver,  as  the  workman  is  worthy  of  his  meat.  The 
following  texts  gave  me  assurance  that  my  course  in  this 
respect  was  the  right  one  : 

"  L/ay  not  up  for  yourselves  treasures  upon  earth,  .  .  . 
for  where  your  treasure  is  there  will  your  heart  be  also." 

"  No  man  can  serve  two  masters.  .  .  Ye  cannot  serve 
God  and  Mammon." 

"  Woe  is  unto  me  if  I  preach  not  the  gospel.  What  is 
my  reward  then  ?  Verily  that  when  I  preach  the  gospel 
I  may  make  the  gospel  of  Christ  without  charge,  that  I 
abuse  not  my  power  in  the  gospel.  Not  seeking  my  own 
profit,  but  the  profit  of  many,  that  they  may  be  saved." 

And  again  :   "  Buy  the  truth  and  sell  it  not." 

Truth  like  a  girdle  let  us  wear, 
And  always  keep  it  bright  and  fair. 
And  let  it  ne'er  be  thought  or  told 
That  Truth  by  us  was  ever  sold. 


58  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 


Hot  Springs  Revisited. 


In  1892  I  was  again  led  to  visit  Hot  Springs. 
Although  San  Francisco  was  more  like  home  to  me  than 
any  place  in  the  world,  I  left  the  matter  of  my  journey  in 
the  hands  of  Providence,  believing,  as  ever,  that  He 
would  direct  me  aright.  I  felt  firmly  established  in  grace, 
and  realized  that  there  was  no  power  that  could  sweep 
me  from  the  Solid  Rock  upon  which  my  faith  now  rested. 

Arriving  at  Hot  Springs  I  remained  there  some 
months,  stopping  at  the  house  of  my  sister,  Mrs.  I/anier. 
Hot  Springs  is  a  beautiful  place,  lying  in  a  valley  between 
the  Ozark  mountains,  and  I  often  resorted  to  the  quiet 
hills  to  enjoy  the  cooling  breezes  and  experience  the 
healthful  stimulus  of  the  pure  and  bracing  air.  We  need 
the  lessons  that  Nature  in  its  beauty  teaches  ;  we  need  to 
visit  those  peaceful  solitudes  which  soothe  the  fevered 
pulses  ;  for  nature's  spirit  and  nature's  mysteries  lead  the 
thinking  mind  to  God,  who  holds  all  things  obedient 
to  His  will. 

One  day,  while  -climbing  up  the  rugged  side  of  a  rocky 
wall,  half-way  to  the  summit,  I  found  a  large  perpendicu 
lar  rock  standing  like  a  sentinel  guarding  a  sacred  place, 
and  later  I  took  some  tools  up  there  with  me,  and  made  a 
little  shelter,  or  booth,  by  the  side  of  this  great  stone. 
The  place  was  so  quiet,  and  the  scenery  so  beautiful  and 
inspiring,  that  I  loved  to  go  there  for  meditation  and 
communion  with  God.  Here,  to  this  mountain  retreat,  I 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  59 

brought  my  Bible  and  other  Christian  literature.  My 
chair  and  stand  were  rocks ;  my  awning  the  green 
branches  of  the  oak  trees  ;  and  my  carpet  the  autumn 
leaves.  When  I  completed  my  work  and  looked  upon 
the  walls  of  my  rustic  study,  I  thought  long  and  earnestly 
of  God  and  His  mighty  works,  and,  surveying  the  glori 
ous  prospect,  realized  as  never  before  how  small  a  speck 
was  I,  and  such  as  I,  on  the  bosom  of  the  great  ocean  of 
life. 

As  I  looked  on  the  scene  below, 

And  saw  the  sparkling  waters  flow, 

And  heard  the  birds'  sweet  melodies 

Sounding  so  clearly  'mid  the  trees, 

I  sat  me  down  beneath  the  shade 

And  thought  of  Him,  who  all  this  made. 

The  church-bells'  distant,  solemn  sound, 
Spoke  of  the  peace  by  Christian  found. 
Ljke  mountain  streams  that  freely  run, 
God's  grace  extends  from  sun  to  sun — 
To  sanctify  and  save  the  soul 
As  long  as  heaven's  planets  roll. 

I  had  left  California  with  some  regrets,  thinking  that 
perhaps  I  should  never  return  ;  but,  as  the  months  rolled 
away,  the  longing  to  go  back  became  stronger  and 
stronger,  arid  I  felt  that  I  had  never  before  fully  appre 
ciated  my  Western  home.  I  had  many  calls  to  hold  meet 
ings  in  private  families,  but  I  devoted  myself  mostly  to 
the  care  of  the  sick,  and  to  ministrations  to  the  dying. 
Some  of  my  patients  who  were  brought  to  Christ  through 
my  instrumentality  passed  away  into  glory  in  full  triumph 
and  victory.  My  brother-in-law,  Mr.  Lanier,  I  found  in 
the  last  stage  of  consumption,  and  I  assisted  in  taking 


60  IVIFKTIMK  RECOLLECTIONS. 

care  of  him  up  to  the  time  of  his  death.  He  was  among 
the  first  settlers  of  Hot  Springs,  a  Mason  of  high  degree, 
and  a  most  charitable  man,  being  of  great  help  and  com 
fort  to  the  poor  and  needy. 

I  now  made  up  my  mind  to  go  out  into  the  world  as  a 
traveling  evangelist.  I  was  at  this  time  stopping  with  a 
dear  friend,  and,  when  I  told  her  of  my  decision  she 
burst  into  tears  and  said  :  "  I  cannot  see  you  start  off  in 
this  way,  perhaps  to  suffer  and  die  !  You  will  never  re 
turn  again  !" 

I  told  her  that  it  seemed  best  for  me  to  go,  but  that, 
with  the  help  of  a  kind  Providence,  I  would  surely  come 
back.  She  said  :  "  My  doors  will  be  open  night  and  day 
for  you  at  all  times  ;  my  house  is  always  free  to  you." 

I  realized,  from  the  many  and  varied  experiences  that 
I  had  already  passed  through,  all  the  dangers  and  tribu 
lations  that  might  attend  my  pathway,  but  I  knew  that  I 
was  in  the  hands  of  God,  and  if  I  fell  in  a  distant  land — 
in  lone  desert  or  on  the  mountain  top,  and  the  place  of  my 
final  rest  was  forever  unmarked — that  it  mattered  nothing 
sb;  tiiat  I  fell  at  my  post.  Therefore  after  comforting  my 
weeping  friend  as  best  I  could,  I  took  my  departure. 

"I  never  clasp  a  friendly  hand 

In  greeting  or  farewell, 
But  thoughts  of  my  eternal  home 
Within  my  bosom  swell." 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  61 


My  Evangelistic  Work. 


1  decided  first  to  go  to  Sulphur  Springs,  which  is  a 
very  beautiful  and  romantic  watering  place,  with  charm 
ing  surroundings,  situated  on  the  line  of  the  Little  Rock 
Railroad,  about  three  miles  from  Hot  Springs.  When  I 
arrived  there  I  introduced  myself  to  Mr.  Woodcock,  the 
proprietor  of  the  hotel,  who  remembered  me  well,  having 
seen  me  at  the  revival  meetings  at  Hot  Springs,  and  he 
received  me  with  much  courtesy.  1  told  him  that  I  was 
about  to  take  up  the  work  of  preaching  the  gospel,  and 
inquired  where  the  church  was.  He  said  that  they  were 
building  a  new  one  some  distance  from  the  hotel,  but  con 
tinued  :  ' '  We  have  a  parlor  upstairs  that  you  can  have  to 
hold  your  meetings  in." 

Being  given  this  opportunity  I  concluded,  notwith 
standing  my  great  need  of  rest,  to  begin  my  work  at  once, 
and  I  accepted  his  kind  offer  with  thanks.  Notice  was 
given  out  immediately,  and  at  eight  o'clock  I  was  taken 
to  the  parlor,  which  was  a  large  room,  beautifully  fur 
nished  and  well-lighted  by  chandeliers.  It  was  soon  filled 
with  both  men  and  women,  quite  a  number  of  them  being 
strangers  from  different  parts  of  the  Union  who  were 
temporarily  stopping  at  the  Springs.  I  stood  at  a  table 
under  one  of  the  chandeliers,  and  read  from  Revelations 
xxii,  and  we  sang  together  from  the  hymn  book,  "Joy 
and  Gladness."  At  the  close  of  the  meeting  I  was  con 
gratulated  by  many,  who  told  me  of  the  benefit  which  they 


62  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 

had  received  from  the  services,  and  one  lady  voluntarily 
took  up  a  collection  and  brought  it  to  me,  saying  simply  : 
"  We  thought  we  would  make  you  a  little  purse." 

I  went  back  to  Hot  Springs  a  little  later,  holding 
meetings  there  in  private  houses.  There  was  a  great  deal 
of  wickedness  in  that  city  at  the  time,  and  the  judgment 
of  God,  who  is  the  rebuker  of  sin,  fell  upon  it,  and  there 
was  much  distress  there  on  account  of  drought  and  epi 
demics  for  nearly  two  years.  There  was  sickness,  suffer 
ing,  loss  of  life,  and  untold  grief  and  sorrow  to  such  a 
degree  that  the  place  after  a  time  became  almost  deserted. 

The  Bible  says:  "Woe  unto  the  world  because  of 
offenses.  For  it  must  needs  be  that  offenses  come,  but 
woe  to  that  man  by  whom  the  offense  cometh.  For  the 
Son  of  Man  is  come  to  save  that  which  is  lost." 

I  mention  these  unpleasing  things  to  show  that  God 
fulfils  His  word,  and  because  the  world  should  know 
what  Satan  can  do  and  what  he  has  done.  The  evil  should 
be  known  as  well  as  the  good,  that  it  may  be  a  warning 
to  all. 

In  the  middle  of  the  summer  of  1894  I  left  Hot  Springs 
for  San  Francisco,  holding  meetings  on  the  way  in  Dallas, 
Texas,  and  other  towns.  I  held  meetings  in  prisons, 
missions,  and  with  the  Salvation  Army,  returning  to  San 
Francisco  over  the  Atchison,  Topeka  &  Santa  Fe  Rail 
road,  and  staying  in  that  city  a  few  weeks,  starting  out 
again  on  September  9th,  1894,  to  engage  in  gospel  work 
in  the  western  districts.  I  held  meetings  on  this  trip  in 
court  houses,  school  houses,"  concert  halls,  prisons,  mis 
sions,  and  on  the  public  streets,  sometimes  conducting  the 
services  entirely  alone,  and  sometimes  having  the  help  of 
other  evangelists. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  63 

The  first  meeting  that  I  held  indoors  was  at  Carson 
City,  Nevada,  where  the  meeting  was  advertised  as 
follows  : 

"  Mrs.  Emily  Molineaux,  of  San  Francisco,  the  trav 
eling  evangelist,  will  deliver  a  gospel  lecture  this  evening 
at  7:30  o'clock  in  the  District  Court-room.  The  lecture 
is  not  sectarian,  but  is  an  earnest  Christian  talk.  Mrs. 
Molineaux  is  a  widow,  entirely  alone  in  the  world,  and 
devotes  her  time  to  the  dispensation  of  the  gospel." 

At  7 130  I  was  met  by  one  of  the  officials  and  conducted 
to  the  hall,  where  he  asked  me  to  occupy  the  judge's 
seat,  but  i  said  that  the  floor  would  do  just  as  well  for  me. 
A  gentleman  connected  with  the  Carson  City  "News" 
introduced  me  to  the  audience,  and  I  told,  them  about 
Jesus,  speaking  as  the  spirit  gave  me  utterance,  for  He 
says  :  ' '  Open  your  mouth  and  I  will  fill  it. "  "It  is  not  ye 
that  speak,  but  the  Spirit  of  your  Father  that  speaketh 
in  you."  He  is  the  word  in  the  mouth,  as  well  as  the 
word  in  the  heart,  and  when  the  word  came  to  me  life 
came  through  the  spirit  of  the  word,  and  that  life  was 
Christ.  We  concluded  the  meeting  by  singing  : 

"  God  be  with  you  till  we  meet  again, 
By  His  counsel  guide,  uphold  you, 
With  His  sheep  securely  fold  you  ; 
God  be  with  you  till  we  meet  again." 

And  after  the  close  of  the  services  we  exchanged  the 
right  hand  of  friendship,  of  fellowship,  and  fraternal  love. 

I  also  held  an  indoors  meeting  in  Terrace,  Nevada. 
This  was  in  the  pleasant  month  of  September,  when  it 
was  just  beginning  to  turn  cold.  When  I  arrived  in  this 
town  I  found  that  the  people  seemed  deeply  interested  in 


64  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

me  and  my  work,  and  were  glad  to  learn  that  I  was  trav 
eling  for  the  dispensation  of  the  gospel  of  Christ  out  there 
in  the  wilderness.  I  was  directed  to  call  on  the  teacher 
in  the  school  house  and  I  did  so,  announcing  to  him  my 
calling.  So  free  and  open  was  the  Christian  friendship 
that  he  extended  to  me,  with  all  the  courtesy  and  refine 
ment  of  a  true  gentleman,  that  I  felt  really  at  home  in 
this  strange  place  at  once.  This  gentleman  said  that  I 
could  have  the  school  house  for  my  meeting  that  evening, 
and  that  he  would  publish  the  fact  by  sending  one  of  the 
boys  around  to  ring  a  bell  from  house  to  house. 

When  I  arrived  at  the  school  /  house  that  night  the 
teacher's  room  had  been  nicely  warmed  up  for  me,  and  I 
had  a  good  audience.  I  was  suffering  from  a  cold,  and 
my  voice  was  nearly  gone,  so  I  requested  some  one  to 
lead  the  singing,  and  soon  had  a  complete  choir  organized. 
I  did  the  best  I  could,  under  the  circumstances,  and 
pointed  my  hearers  to  the  Lamb  of  God  that  taketh  away 
the  sins  of  the  world.  I  was  most  happily  surprised  to 
find  so  many  hospitable  Christian  people  in  this  little 
town,  who  treated  me  as  if  I  had  been  born  among  them. 

After  this  I  held  meetings  in  every  prominent  town  as 
I  journeyed  eastward,  and  even  out  in  the  deserts,  where 
they  could  not  get  a  regular  preacher.  My  work  was  not 
without  opposition  and  difficulties,  but  if  I  had  not  met 
with  these  my  experience  would  not  have  been  in  the 
apostolic  order,  nor  in  accordance  with  the  word  of  God. 
Though  I  felt  sometimes  as  did  the  Jews  when  they  were 
in  exile  by  the  rivers  of  Babylon,  and  said  :  "There  we 
sat  down;  yea,  we  wept  ;"  and  it  seemed  now  and  then 
as  if  my  little  bark  had. drifted  upon  some  lone  island 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  65 

where  I  should  be  left  to  die.  I  kept  strong  in  my  faith 
and  courage,  remembering  that  the  word  says  :  ' '  Before 
all  these  things  they  shall  lay  their  hands  on  you  and 
persecute  you,  delivering  you  up  to  prisons  ;  and  ye  shall 
be  betrayed  both  by  parents  and  brethren  and  kinfolks ; 
and  ye  shall  be  hated  of  all  men  for  my  name's  sake. 
And  every  one  that  has  forsaken  houses,  or  brethren,  or 
sisters,  or  father,  or  mother,  or  wife,  or  children,  or  lands, 
for  my  name's  sake  shall  receive  an  hundred  fold,  and 
shall  inherit  everlasting  life." 

And  Jesus  said  unto  him,  "  Foxes  have  holes  and  the 
birds  of  the  air  have  nests,  but  the  Son  of  Man  hath 
not  where  to  lay  His  head." 

Notwithstanding  many  trials  and  hardships,  I  received 
many  kindnesses  from  the  officials  and  authorities 
wherever  I  held  my  meetings,  and  shall  always  feel  that 
this  more  than  compensated  for  the  difficulties  which  I 
was  forced  to  overcome.  As  I  think  of  the  many  good 
and  generous  people  whom  I  met  during  my  travels,  I  feel 
like  saying  : 

"  Blest  be  the  tie  that  binds 

Our  hearts  in  Christian  love, 
The  fellowship  of  kindred  minds 
Is  like  to  that  above." 


66  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 


In  Denver,  Colorado. 


When  I  arrived  at  this  place  I  was  given  the  address 
of  Mrs.  Moore,  matron  of  the  Hay  Market  Haven,  at  No. 
1148  Broadway.  This  was  a  home  occupied  by  mission 
aries,  and  devoted  to  special  evangelistic  work,  and  I  was 
cordially  welcomed  to  it  by  Mrs.  A.  C.  Peck,  its  President. 
By  this  time  it  was  cold  weather  and  snow  had  begun  to 
fall,  but  I  attended  outside  meetings,  as  well  as  taking 
part  in  the  Christian  work  of  the  Home.  My  main 
teaching  was  Christian  perfection  and  true  holiness  to  the 
Lord,  and  I  had  many  calls  to  deliver  my  message  to 
interested  persons.  Various  opinions  were  formed  of 
me  in  regard  to  my  religious  views,  many  being  afraid 
of  my  kind  of  teaching,  but  the  people  in  general  were 
always  glad  to  listen  to  me. 

The  first  night  when  I  was  called  to  the  platform  by 
Mr.  Peck,  preacher  in  charge,  I  felt  as  free  as  a  bird  of  the 
air.  The  people  had  read  the  notice  outside  announcing 
that  I  was  to  speak,  and  the  large  hall  was  well  filled,  the 
larger  class  being  holiness  and  free  people,  who  were 
specially  interested  in  hearing  what  I  had  to  say.  I 
expounded  the  Word,  quoting  different  Bible  passages, 
and  drawing  a  straight  line  between  sanctification  and 
justification.  It  all  came  as  spontaneously  to  me  as  the 
air  we  breathe,  for  there  is  no  interpreter  of  the  divine 
Word  like  the  Holy  Ghost  dwelling  in  the  heart.  I  spake 
as  the  words  were  placed  in  my  mouth,  the  Spirit  giving 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  67 

me  power  to  utter  the  truth  as  it  is  in  Christ  Jesus, 
according  to  II  Samuel  xxiii  :  2,  "  The  spirit  of  the  Lord 
spake  by  me,  and  His  word  was  in  my  tongue."  I 
showed  what  sanctification  is,  and  what  is  required  in 
order  to  obtain  it,  and  when  I  came  down  from  the  plat 
form  the  people  thronged  around  me  with  friendly  greet 
ings,  many  giving  me  their  addresses,  and  asking  me  to 
hold  meetings  in  their  dwellings. 

In  the  spring  the  Home  had  to  be  given  up,  and  the 
place  was  turned  into  an  industrial  school.  I  had  lived 
there  then  for  five  months,  spending  many  happy  days 
with  its  inmates,  and  finding  it  truly  a  haven  of  rest  ;  but, 
sincerely  as  my  heart  went  out  in  love  for  the  matron  and 
her  daughter,  who  was  a  model  of  grace  and  purity — and 
much  as  I  had  enjoyed  the  companionship  of  the  other 
inmates — we  were  all  obliged  to  part,  as.  the  missionaries, 
as  well  as  the  aged  who  had  found  shelter  beneath  its 
roof,  were  compelled  to  find  shelter  and  fields  of  labor 
elsewhere. 

The  last  morning  at  the  Home  we  were  all  called 
early  for  our  parting  worship,  and  we  gave  each  other 
verses  of  Scripture  as  love  tokens.  One  of  Mrs.  Moore's 
daughters  had  her  own  home  in  Denver,  but  the  other 
went  with  her  mother,  and  I  wanted  much  to  accompany 
them,  for  I  loved  them  dearly,  and  they  were  willing  to 
take  me,  but  this  was  not  to  be,  as  I  was  called  in  a  differ 
ent  direction.  I  addressed  the  following  farewell  letter  to 
Mrs.  Moore  : 

' '  As  you  are  now  taking  your  leave  of  Denver,  the 
Queen  City  of  the  plains,  to  go  to  Toronto,  Canada,  my 
spirit  goes  out  to  you  in  these  parting  words,  prompted 
by  the  farewell  of  mother  and  daughter : 


68  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

"  And  Ruth  said  :  '  Entreat  me  not  to  leave  thee  or 
to  return  from  following  after  thee ;  for  whither  thou  goest 
I  will  go  ;  and  where  thou  lodgest  I  will  lodge ;  thy  people 
shall  be  my  people  and  thy  God  my  God.  Where  thou 
diest,  will  I  die,  and  there  will  I  be  buried  :  the  L,ord  do 
so  to  me,  and  more  also,  if  aught  but  death  part  thee 
and  me.'  " — Ruth  i  :  16-17. 

Mrs.  Moore  wrote  for  me  the  following  message : 
"  Our  Father's  promise  to  dear  Sister  Molineaux,  Denver, 
May  1 6,  1895  :  'Thou  shalt  come  to  thy  grave  in  a  full 
age,  as  a  shock  of  corncometh  in  his  season.' — Jobv:  2-6. 

CARRIE  MOORE." 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  69 


In  Kansas  City  and  Elsewhere. 


Having  been  sent  for  to  go  to  Kansas  City,  to  help  in 
the  gospel  work  there,  I  accepted  the  call.  The  Humboldt 
river  had  overflowed  its  banks  and  was  almost  impassable 
by  rail,  but  we  finally  got  across  it  without  harm,  and 
when  I  reached  the  city  I  was  directed  to  the  Young 
Women's  Christian  Association,  where  I  introduced  myself 
to  the  matron,  and  told  her  my  calling.  I  was  given  a 
very  neat  and  comfortable  room  here,  and  found  that 
there  were  about  eighty  young  women  in  the  house, 
besides  a  few  middle-aged  ladies,  and  that  everything 
about  the  establishment  was  in  excellent  order  and  well 
kept. 

I  remained  over  a  month  in  this  institution,  working 
in  different  parts  of  the  city,  attending  a  good  many  meet 
ings  in  a  room  in  the  Hansen  block,  which  was  formerly 
occupied  as  a  gambling  place,  meeting  in  midnight  rescue 
work,  and  also  taking  part  in  meetings  in  the  prisons,  as 
well  as  those  held  in  tents  and  on  the  streets. 

In  this  city  there  was  a  converted  policeman  whom 
we  found  a  good  counselor,  both  in  temporal  and  spiritual 
matters,  and  we  were  very  glad  to  have  on  the  beat  an 
officer  representing  Christ.  He  attended  our  meetings, 
and  we  were  always  pleased  to  have  him  with  us.  May 
God  bless  him,  and  send  many  Christian  policemen  to 
work  in  His  vineyard,  is  my  prayer. 

The  young  women  who  lived  at  the  Association  wanted 


yo  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

to  hear  me  speak  ;  but,  as  there  was  no  room  in  the  Han- 
sen  block  large  enough  to  hold  such  a  number  as  wished 
to  come  to  this  meeting,  I  was  advised  to  apply  to  Dr. 
Mitchell,  the  preacher  in  charge  of  the  M.  E.  Church,  and 
ask  him  for  the  use  of  a  room  in  that  building.  When  I 
called  at  his  study  and  preferred  my  request,  he  asked : 

"  To  what  church  do  you  belong?" 

"  To  the  Methodist  Church,"  I  answered. 

"And  you  are  preaching  ?" 

"Yes." 

"  Who  sent  you  ?     That  is  against  our  discipline." 

"  God  sent  me." 

"  We  don't  send  women  to  preach  ;  we  send  them  out 
to  lecture,"  he  then  said. 

And  I  answered  :  ' '  There  are  a  great  many  out  in  the 
field." 

He  said,  "  I  have  calls  of  this  kind  regularly;  if  I 
should  admit  all  that  call,  I  would  have  to  give  up  my 
pulpit." 

I  said,  "A  back  room  will  do  for  me." 

He  said,  "  I  cannot  let  you  have  a  room,  for  if  I  gave 
up  to  one  I  w.ould  have  to  give  up  to  all." 

My  errand  to  this  minister  proved  fruitless,  for,  as  I 
have  said,  he  would  not  allow  me  to  have  even  the  use  of 
a  back  room,  declaring  that  he  had  calls  of  the  kind  so 
frequently  that  if  he  should  accede  to  all  he  would  have 
to  give  up  his  very  pulpit,  and  that  he  could  not  make 
an  exception  on  my  behalf,  since  that  would  make  a 
precedent  that  he  would  be  obliged  to  follow  with  others  ; 
so  I  was  forced  to  give  up  the  idea  of  the  special  meeting. 

Was  there  any  Christian  charity  in  such  a  refusal  to 
allow  me  to  give  a  talk  to  the  young  girls  of  Kansas 
City,  Kansas  ?  I  do  not  wish  to  judge  this  man,  or  any 
one  else.  May  God  bless  him  and  save  his  soul,  is  my 
prayer. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 


My  Return  to  San  Francisco. 


I  held  meetings  in  several  places  in  Missouri  besides 
Kansas  City,  but  while  in  this  place  I  definitely  made  up 
my  mind  to  again  return  to  my  loved  San  Francisco, 
though  it  took  me  three  months  from  that  time  to  reach 
there.  I  first  went  to  Denver,  Colorado,  remaining  for  a 
short  time  in  the  Old  Ladies'  Home  there,  which  was  run 
by  a  Mrs.  Gordon,  who,  with  the  other  residents  of  the 
house,  made  me  very  welcome.  I  secured  a  ticket  from 
the  General  Superintendent  of  the  railroad,  which  would 
take  me  as  far  as  Ogden,  refusing  the  offer  of  my  friends 
at  the  Home  to  arrange  for  my  fare  through  to  California, 
as  I  was  sure  that  I  could  manage  that  myself  from  that 
place.  When  I  arrived  in  Ogden,  however,  I  found  that 
the  railroad  had  made  some  new  rules,  and  I  was  refused 
a  ticket  for  the  remainder  of  the  way  because  I  was  not 
endorsed  by  the  general  Bishop  ;  and,  not  being  a  free 
holder,  I  was  detained  in  that  city  for  over  a  month, 
during  which  time  I  took  a  position  in  the  Lincoln  House, 
where  I  received  excellent  treatment  from  Mrs.  Wright, 
my  employer. 

In  order  to  proceed  westward  I  later  sold  everything 
of  which  I  was  possessed,  except  one  change  of  garments, 
and  the  amount  received  from  this  sale,  together  with 
what  I  had  earned,  made  sufficient  to  carry  me  to  San 
Francisco.  Before  I  reached  that  place,  however,  I 
certainly  realized  something  of  the  feelings  of  the  man 


72  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

who  went  down  from  Jerusalem  to  Jericho  and  fell  among 
thieves  ;  and  I  learned  also  the  true  worth  of  the  Good 
Samaritan. 

Stopping  at  Battle  Mountain,  Nevada,  I  went  to  the 
hotel,  and,  meeting  the  lady  in  charge,  asked  her  if  I 
could  get  a  place  in  which  to  hold  a  meeting  that  night. 
She  happily  surprised  me  by  saying  :  ' '  You  are  at  home 
here,  for  we  are  Californians.  You  shall  have  a  place  to 
preach,  and  money  shall  be  raised  for  you."  She  then 
took  me  with  her  into  the  dining  hall  and  sat  down  with 
me  at  a  table  spread  with  everything  that  heart  could 
wish.  After  dinner  she  showed  me  to  a  room,  and  told 
me  that  I  was  free  to  make  myself  at  home  there,  but  at 
the  same  time  she  advised  me  to  visit  a  house  near  by, 
saying  :  "  Go  over  there  and  see  the  missionary  of  this 
place  ;  then  you  can  come  back  here,  or  stay  over  there, 
just  as  you  choose." 

I  went  over  and  introduced  myself  to  the  missionary, 
asking  her  to  assist  me  in  securing  a  room  where  I  could 
hold  a  meeting  that  night.  She  took  me  into  a  neat  little 
apartment,  and  asked  me  to  lay  off  my  things,  saying  : 
"  Don't  you  feel  very  tired?" 

I  answered  that  I  had  not  slept  much  the  night  before, 
but  that  I  must  see  about  my  meeting.  She  then  said  : 
14  May  I  see  you  in  bed  first  and  then  attend  to  that?" 
And  she  was  so  kind  that  I  could  not  refuse.  As  soon  as 
I  touched  that  bed  I  fell  sound  asleep,  and  nothing  dis 
turbed  my  rest  ;  I  never  even  dreamed  of  my  meeting. 

As  I  had  the  privilege  of  eating  there,  or  at  the  hotel, 
I  took  my  breakfast  with  the  missionary,  who  urged  me 
to  stay  in  the  house  and  rest  while  she  looked  about  for 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  73 

me,  and  she  returned  soon,  saying  :  "  I  have  got  you  a 
ticket  to  San  Francisco."  This  filled  my  heart  with 
gladness,  and  I  felt  fully  relieved  at  once.  The  good 
woman  told  me  that  the  train  I  was  to  go  on  would  soon 
be  in,  and  when  it  arrived  I  parted  with  these  new,  yet 
well-loved  friends,  who  cheered  me  on  my  way  with  the 
hope  that  we  should  meet  again. 

After  the  severe  trials  that  I  had  passed  through,  I 
fairly  wept  with  joy  when  I  again  set  foot  upon  California 
soil,  which  was  May  22,  1896. 


74  lyiFETiME  RECOLLECTIONS. 


The  Old  Home  Revisited  by  My  Sister. 


The  following  is  an  extract  from  a  letter  written  by 
my  sister,  Mrs.  A.  H.  Lanier,  after  her  return  from  a 
visit  to  Green  County,  Tennessee,  where  she  went  to  take 
a  farewell  view  of  the  old  farm,  and  the  scenes  of  our 
early  childhood.  She  says  : 

' '  I  introduced  myself  as  the  grand-daughter  of  John 
McKeehan,  and  the  oldest  living  child  of  the  third  gener 
ation.  I  rode  up  to  the  spot  which  is  the  resting  place  of 
my  grandfather  and  grandmother — that  sacred  soil  !  and 
I  paid  a  last  tribute  of  love  to  this  beautiful  spot,  where 
the  snowballs  and  roses  in  full  bloom  shade  the  graves  of 
these  two.  So  long  ago  it  all  was,  and  yet,  as  I  stand 
here  and  listen  to  the  birds  as  they  sing  over  these  tombs, 
there  conies  back  to  me  the  early  morning  of  my  child 
hood  when  all  was  joy  and  hope,  and  1  look  back  over 
the  lapse  of  fifty  years  to  the  time  when  these  flowers  and 
trees  were  first  planted,  and  realize  that  many  of  those 
whom  I  then  knew  have  passed  away  like  the  leaves  of 
autumn. 

' '  I  rode  to  the  spot  where  my  grandfather  lived,  and 
there  was  nothing  remaining  excepting  the  pile  of  lime 
stone  rocks  that  had  once  been  the  chimney.  I  found  a 
piece  of  the  pottery  that  mother  cooked  in  when  I  was  a 
g.irl,  and  brought  it  home  with  me  ;  also  a  piece  of  rock 
out  of  the  chimney.  Some  of  the  same  old  trees  are 
there,  and  still  bearing  fruit.  I  next  visited  Tusculum 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  75 

College,  situated  about  four  and  a-half  miles  southeast  of 
Greenville,  East  Tennessee.  This  is  the  place  where  my 
father  received  his  education,  and  is  the  first  college 
established  in  East  Tennessee.  It  is  as  pretty  a  place  as 
I  ever  saw,  and  I  brought  away  some  slips  of  the  flower 
ing  plants  that  grew  in  the  college  grounds. 

' '  The  next  place  I  visited  was  the  tailor  shop  of 
Andrew  Johnson,  where  he  worked  when  I  was  only  ten 
years  old.  I  recollected  the  place.  He  used  to  give  us 
pieces  of  tailor  scraps  to  make  dolls.  Then  I  saw  Mrs. 
Patterson,  a  daughter  of  Andrew  Johnson.  She  wrote 
me  a  note  and  sent  me  a  piece  of  the  tailor's  bench  on 
which  her  father  worked,  and  invited  me  to  come  and  see 
her,  which  I  did.  She  embraced  me  in  her  arms,  and 
kissed  me  in  token  of  love  to  her  father. 

"  I  found  one  McKeehan  in  Greenville,  of  the  fourth 
generation.  I  was  taken  around  many  places  among  the 
old  settlers.  Almost  all  the  old  families  have  passed 
away,  but  the  old  farm  is  kept  up,  and  a  fine  brick  man 
sion  now  stands  where  the  old  house  stood.  A.  H.  L." 


76  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 


PART    II. 


My  Christian  Experiences. 

Religious  experience  is  like  taking  a  journey.  We 
are  sojourners  here  on  earth.  We  have  no  abiding  home. 
We  are  pilgrims  and  strangers,  having  no  continuing  city 
here,  but  seeking  one  to  come. 

With  the  assistance  of  my  Divine  Guide,  I  will  endeavor 
to  show  the  reader  that  our  Saviour  is  a  complete  Saviour, 
and  will  also  try  to  present  the  royal  way  to  the  attain 
ment  of  His  complete  salvation. 

There  are  three  experiences  which  must  be  attained 
before  we  can  be  complete  in  Christ.  These  are  :  Justifi 
cation,  Sanctification,  and  Redemption.  And,  helped  by 
my  Heavenly  Leader,  Jesus,  I  will  make  plain  the  differ 
ence  between  these  states,  through  which  we  must  all 
pass  before  we  can  come  into  our  promised  Eden  of  inex 
pressible  bliss  and  perfect  rest. 

THE  FIRST  EXPERIENCE. 

The  first  experience  we  come  into,  as  Christians,  is 
the  new  birth.  Jesus  said  to  Nicodemus  :  "Ye  must  be 
born  again.  Verily,  verily,  I  say  unto  thee  :  Except  a 
man  be  born  of  water  and  of  the  Spirit,  he  cannot  enter 
into  the  kingdom  of  God." 

Heaven  begins  on  earth.  It  begins  in  the  heart. 
When  we  are  complete  in  Christ,  we  are  in  heaven. 
"  The  kingdom  of  God  is  within  you." 

We  come  into  the  school  of  Christ  as  pupils,  and  must 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  77 

take  him  alone  as  our  teacher,  excluding  all  others,  for 
Jesus  says  :  "  L/earn  of  Me."  Under  this  Divine  Instruc 
tor  we  pass  through  three  grades  before  our  religious 
education  is  complete  ;  and,  when  we  reach  the  third 
grade,  we  are  risen  with  Christ,  and  walk  in  newness  of 
life,  perfect  in  Him. 

In  going  through  this  school,  though  still  in  the  world, 
.we  are  separated  from  it,  and  are  not  of  it.  Many  have 
sought  heaven  under  ecclesiastical  authority  by  their  own 
good  works,  not  discerning  between  the  substance  and 
the  shadow,  between  the  letter  and  the  spirit. 

Christ  being  Himself  the  eternal  life,  and  appointed 
by  the  living  God  to  give  this  life  to  all  who  are  His, 
when  you  are  one.  with  Him  you  need  take  no  thought 
for  your  earthly  life,  for  all  needful  things  will  then  be 
supplied. 

"  Consider  the  lilies  of  the  field,"  how  spontaneously 
they  grow  ;  how,  without  weaving,  their  leaves  are 
formed;  and  how,  without  toil,  the  complex  tissues  of 
their  beautiful  petals  are  made  perfect,  until,  as  Jesus 
says:  "Solomon,  in  all  his  glory,  was  not  arrayed  like 
one  of  these."  To  grow  is  to  be  free  from  care.  ' '  There 
fore  I  say  unto  you,  Take  no  thought  for  your  life.  *  *  * 
Behold  the  fowls  of  the  air. ' ' 

"The  birds  without  barn  or  storehouse  are  fed, 
From  them  let  us  learn  to  trust  for  our  bread." 

All  three  of  these  grades  must  necessarily  be  reached 
and  passed  ;  for  it  is  a  positive  violation  of  the  rules  of 
even  earthly  schools  for  a  student  to  leave  any  of  them 
before  his  graduation.  I  knew  a  young  man  who  did 
this,  and  his  father,  who  was  a  millionaire,  disinherited 


78  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 

him  for  his  disobedience ;  and  the  law  of  God  is  certainly 
as  strict  as  that  of  man.  If  we  turn  away  from  Christ, 
who  is  our  teacher  and  guide,  and  trust  to  our  own  self- 
righteousness,  is  there  not  danger  that  our  Heavenly 
Father  will  disinherit  us,  and  that  we  will  fail  of  eternal 
life  ?  I  owe  all  to  the  Lord,  that  I  was  not  cut  off  in  my 
sins,  and  numbered  with  the  lost.  I  speak  of  this  as  a 
warning  to  the  reader.  Let  us  come  to  Christ  at  once, 
and  receive  our  inheritance,  which  is  a  free  gift.  "And 
the  Spirit  and  the  Bride  say,  Come.  *  *  *  And 
whosoever  will,  let  him  take  the  water  of  life  freely." 
Jesus  has  purchased  our  inheritance  for  us,  and  we  come 
into  possession  of  it  through  obedience. 

The  destruction  of  sin  is  the  underlying  principle  of 
all  the  lessons  which  we  are  taught  in  the  Divine  School 
of  Christ ;  for  this  world  would  be  heaven  now,  if  all 
sin  were  removed  ;  since,  were  it  not  for  sin,  we  would  all 
be  to-day  praising  and  glorifying  our  Maker,  and  sorrow 
and  suffering  would  be  no  more  with  us.  Sin,  with  the 
old  flesh-nature,  cherished  in  the  bosom  of  our  people,  is 
the  ruin  of  our  world,  and  has  wrapped  it  in  a  mantle  of 
darkness  that  hangs  over  it  like  a  pall.  Let  those  who  are 
interested  in  the  salvation  of  the  souls  of  men  meditate 
on  this  fact  profoundly.  "  Make  the  tree  good  and  the 
fruit  will  be  good."  Our  inner  nature  must  be  cleansed 
and  purified.  The  vile  must  be  separated  from  the  pure, 
just  as  the  dross  is  separated  from  the  gold.  "  A  corrupt 
treebringeth  forth  evil  fruit."  There  must,  therefore,  be 
an  inward  crucifixion  of  the  natural  life,  the  old  man. 
We  must  die  to  self,  and  when  we  pass  through  this 
crucifixion,  we  die  with  Christ  and  rise  with  him,  to  find 


LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS.  79 

the  last  enemy  destroyed.  "  Because  the  carnal  mind 
[the  unregenerate  nature]  is  enmity  against  God  :  for  it  is 
not  subject  to  the  law  of  God,  neither  indeed  can  be.' 
So  .we  are  to  be  "crucified  with  Him,  that  the  body  of  sin 
might  be  destroyed,  that  henceforth  we  should  not  serve 
sin."  Let  us  be  deeply  convinced  of  the  great  contrast 
between  sin  and  righteousness,  evil  and  good.  Let  us 
earnestly  seek  to  find  where  we  stand  to-day,  as  a  people, 
and  what  the  religion  of  our  Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus 
Christ  really  is. 

If  you  were  lost  on  a  lonely  desert  and  I  should  meet 
you  and  tell  you  that  I  knew  the  road  that  led  to  the  city 
of  which  you  were  in  search,  and  should  offer  to  act  as 
your  guide,  you  would  certainly  most  gladly  accept  of  my 
services.  Will  you  not  now  ?  Every  one  who  is  away 
from  God  is  lost  in  a  wilderness  of  sin,  and  needs  some 
friend  to  lead  him  out  God  can  lead  us  out  of  our  diffi 
culties  and  dangers,  and  he  chooses  human  instruments 
to  co-operate  with  Him  in  this  work.  I  propose,  by 
God's  help,  to  lead  you  out  of  your  lost  condition— the 
desert's  dreary  waste — to  the  city  of  God  :  to  show  you 
the  King's  highway  that  was  cast  up  for  the  ransomed  of 
the  Lord  to  walk  in,  and  I  shall  be  very  happy  if  you  will 
avail  yourself  of  my  offer,  which  is  made  in  all  kindness 
and  sincerity. 

God  is  holy  and  God  is  love.  His  word  says  that  we 
are  to  be  holy  as  He  is  holy,  and  love  one  another  as  He 
has  loved  us.  The  Word  says  again  that  we  shall  all  be 
taught  of  the  Lord,  and  I  thankfully  accept  this,  as  I  am 
taught  alone  of  Him.  I  write  only  what  I  know  to  be 
the  truth,  and  what  I  found  by  going  down  deep  into  the 


8o  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS. 

mine  of  divine  knowledge  in  company  with  the  Lord. 
The  deeper  I  went  into  that  heavenly  mine  the  richer  I 
found  it,  and  so  shall  we  all. 

The  reader  may  now  say,  "I  can  do  without  this 
religion  of  which  you  speak."  Certainly  you  can.  If 
you  were  heir  to  a  million  dollars  you  might  refuse  to 
take  it,  and  remain  poor,  and  suffer  in  consequence.  You 
eould  do  as  you  might  choose  about  it.  But,  it  would  be 
my  duty  to  apprise  you  of  your  heirship,  if  I  knew  of  it, 
and  you  were  ignorant  of  the  matter  ;  and  this  I  propose 
to  do. 

My  attention  was  once  attracted  to  a  train  of  ants 
traveling.  I  stopped  and  watched  them.  There  were 
two  roads:  one  lay  in  the  safe  highway  and  the  other 
led  to  a  burning  pit,  where  rubbish  was  being  destroyed. 
As  I  beheld  this  multitude  of  living  creatures  seeking  a 
refuge,  where  they  might  rest  from  their  wearisome  jour 
ney,  it  was  a  wonderful  sight  to  see  the  more  thoughtful 
of  them,  after  a  pause,  turn  at  this  cross-road  into  the  safe 
path,  while  hundreds  of  others  went  obstinately  forward 
into  the  path  that  led  down  into  the  burning  pit. 

As  I  looked  upon  these  insects — the  doomed  and  the 
saved — I  thought :  This  is  a  fair  picture  of  the  human 
race,  in  this  life.  How  many  people  start  out  in  the 
world  and  never  stop  to  think  of  the  pitfalls  and  snares  in 
the  path  before  them.  They  do  not  know,  nor  care, 
whether  they  are  on  the  right  or  the  wrong  road,  and 
allow  themselves  to  drop  over  into  eternity,  without  God 
or  hope,  and  are  numbered  with  the  lost. 

Will  you  not,  dear  reader,  take  a  lesson  from  the 
thoughtful  ants,  and,  as  they  turned  into  the  safe  high- 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  81 

way,   turn  into  the  highway  of  life,   and  take  the  path 
that  will  lead  you  to  eternal  happiness  and  lasting  peace. 

The  first  experience,  of  which  we  are  speaking,  is 
Justification — forgiveness  for  past  sins  and  the  removal  of 
their  guilt  from  the  soul.  We  must  be  justified  before  we 
can  be  Christians,  and  this  means  that  we  must  die  to  our 
own  merits,  as  well  as  to  our  sins,  and  be  born  of  the 
Spirit.  Thus  Regeneration  is  the  accompaniment  of 
Justification.  The  old  nature,  however,  is  only  subdued 
in  Justification  :  not  destroyed,  but  kept  under.  It  still 
sleeps  in  the  bosom,  and,  when  the  soul  is  disturbed  or 
crossed,  it  will  show  itself. 

When  I  entered  into  this  first  experience,  I  believed 
that  I  was  fully  saved,  complete  in  Christ,  and  that  I 
would  never  be  tempted  to  sin  again  ;  but  the  enemy 
came  that  same  evening  and  tempted  me.  I  felt  the 
moving  of  the  old  nature,  and  Satan  said  :  "You  are 
deceived  ;  you  are  not  saved."  At  the  same  time  I  knew 
my  sins  were  all  forgiven,  and  did  not  doubt  my  Saviour. 
So  I  found  that  this  was  merely  a  temptation  of  the 
enemy— the  evil  spirit — to  draw  me  away  from  the  Lord. 
It  was  some  time  before  I  learned  about  this  ;  then  it 
came  to  me  that  I  still  had  within  me  the  fleshly  nature, 
which  must  be  put  away  by  the  power  of  God  working 
in  us 

And  now  the  question  may  be  asked  :  When  should 
we  seek  Justification  ?  The  answer  is  given  in  God's 
Word  :  "  Behold,  now  is  the  accepted  time  ;  behold,  now 
is  the  day  of  salvation."  Again,  when  should  we  seek 
Sanctification  ?  Just  as  soon  as  we  are  born  of  the  Spirit 
and  have  all  our  sins  pardoned.  Do  not  put  this  off,  for 
God  commands  us  to  be  holy  now. 


82  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

THE  SECOND  EXPERIENCE. 

Sanctification  is  the  next  experience,  or  grade.  This 
act  of  God  utterly  destroys  the  old  Adamic  nature — the 
body  of  sin — possessing  which  we  cannot  enter  fully  into 
the  rest  of  faith.  The  necessity  for  the  destruction  of  the 
unregenerate  nature  is  given  in  Gal.  v:  17,  where  we 
read,  "  For  the  flesh  lusteth  against  the  Spirit,  and  the 
Spirit  against  the  flesh  :  and  these  are  contrary,  the  one 
to  the  other ;  so  that  ye  cannot  do  the  things  that  ye 
would."  Or,  as  it  might  read,  " are  hindered  from 
doing,"  etc.  I  once  thought  that  this  was  to  keep  us  on 
our  watch  against  the  assaults  of  the  enemy.  I  supposed 
that  the  carnal  nature  must  remain  with  us  to  keep  us 
right,  and  make  us  fear  Satan.  But  I  found,  by  consult 
ing  God's  Word,  that  this  was  a  great  mistake.  We 
cannot  enter  into  the  full  enjoyment  of  fellowship  with 
God  until  the  old  man  is  crucified,  and  we  are  entirely 
saved  from  sin,  and  the  tendency  to  sin.  Our  inner  nature 
must  be  cleansed  and  purified.  The  pure  must  be  sepa 
rated  from  the  vile,  as  the  gold  is  from  the  dross.  ' '  Either 
make  the  tree  good,  and  his  fruit  good  ;  or  else  make  the 
tree  corrupt,  and  his  fruit  corrupt  :  for  the  tree  is  known 
by  his  fruit."  You  have  been  saved  by  justification  from 
the  guilt  and  penalty  of  sin,  and  now  sanctification  is 
performed,  to  save  you  from  its  presence  and  power  and 
bondage.  This  is  the  inner  work,  the  cleansing  and 
purifying  of  the  heart,  which  completely  destroys  the  old 
carnal  nature.  You  must  now  concentrate  yourself,  your 
life  and  your  all,  in  the  full  assurance  of  faith  on  God's 
altar,  and  believe  not  only  that  He  is  able  and  willing  to 
sanctify  you,  but  that  He  does  do  it.  "  He  that  findeth 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  83 

his  life  shall  lose  it  ;  and  he  that  loseth  his  life  for  My 
sake  shall  find  it." 

Christ  on  the  cross  purchased  the  deliverance  of  all 
mankind  from  the  Adauiic  curse.  His  mission  was  to 
save  His  people  from  their  sins.  "For  if  by  one  man's 
offense  death  reigned  by  one  ;  much  more  they  which  re 
ceive  abundance  of  grace,  and  of  the  gift  of  righteousness, 
shall  reign  in  life  by  one,  Jesus  Christ." — Rom.  v  :  17. 

I  found  myself  lost  and  ruined  by  the  fall,  under  the 
yoke  of  bondage.  I  was  revealed  to  myself,  and  found 
that  I  needed  God.  "  As  the  hart  panteth  after  the 
water  brooks  so  panteth  my  soul  after  Thee,  O  God." 
This  hunger  for  the  bread  of  life  and  thirst  for  the  water 
of  life  was  intense,  but  was  fully  satisfied  in  finding 
Christ,  my  Lord  and  my  God.  When  I  came  into  posses 
sion  of  this  divine  treasure  I  became  separated  from  the 
world,  and  its  vain  joys  no  longer  pleased  me.  I  yielded 
myself  to  Christ,  with  all  my  earthly  possessions  ;  a  door 
of  hope  opened,  and  I  heard  the  gentle  voice  of  Jesus  say  : 
"Come,  enter  into  eternal  life,  through  me."  When  I 
gave  myself  fully  to  Christ,  oh,  what  a  joy  came  to  my 
soul  !  I  knew  I  was  redeemed.  There  was  a  perfect 
calm  within — a  delightful  foretaste  of  heaven.  Here  was 
perfect  peace  and  perfect  rest. 

And  this  is  for  you,  dear  reader.  When  you  are 
Christ's  and  fully  saved  from  sin  you  come  into  posses 
sion  of  eternal  life,  and  God  supplies  your  every  need. 
He  keeps  you  from  evil,  for  you*  are  His  son.  You  have 
the  promise  of  the  life  that  now  is  and  of  that  which  is  to 
come.  You  are  to  put  off  your  own  righteousness,  and 
be  clothed  with  the  robe  of  Christ's  righteousness.  You 


84  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS 

are  heaven-born  and  heaven-bound,  a  son,  a  daughter  of 
the  King,  with  the  riches  and  the  glory  of  the  kingdom 
as  your  portion  forever. 

Oh,  then,  seek  this  grace  at  once  !  It  can  be  obtained 
now,  for  this  is  God's  time.  You  need  not  be  ten,  twenty, 
or  forty  years  coming  to  its  enjoyment.  Do  not  forfeit 
the  birthright  of  all  God's  children.  Thousands  for 
whom  Christ  died  may  have  done  this,  but  do  not  you  net 
so  unwisely. 

Some,  on  experiencing  Justification  and  Regeneration, 
endeavor  to  obtain  Sanctification  by  their  own  good  works. 
But  you  cannot  attain  it  by  works  or  by  growing  into  it. 
We  ' '  grow  in  grace, ' '  but  do  not  grow  into  grace.  We 
must  remember  that  grace  does  not  itself  grow  in  nature's 
barren  soil.  Before  grace  can  flourish  within  us,  it  must 
be  planted  in  the  heavenly  soil  of  holiness — a  holy  heart 
—and  must  have  the  sun  of  righteousness  shine  upon  it, 
and  the  divine  showers  of  heaven  to  water  it.  No  good 
can  come  from  an  impure  heart. 

I  knew  a  family  that  had  a  number  of  fruit  trees. 
Among  them  was  a  peach  tree  that  was  a  favorite  because 
it  was  of  the  choicest  quality,  and  its  fruit  was,  at  first, 
most  delicious.  After  awhile,  however,  the  peaches  which 
it  bore  became  strong,  bitter  and  disagreeable  to  the  taste, 
so  that  no  one  could  eat  them,  What  was  the  matter 
with  the  tree  ?  Insects,  or  worms,  had  made  inroads  into 
the  trunk  and  branches,  and  the  whole  tree  had  become 
spoiled.  Everything  possible  was  done  to  the  outside  of 
the  afflicted  tree  to  preserve  its  life,  but  its  heart  was 
decayed  and  unclean,  and  so  it  withered  and  died.  So 
with  the  heart  of  man  ;  if  it  be  not  as  it  should  be,  like 
that  tree  the  man  will  perish. 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  85 

Another  important  fact  to  remember  is,  that  this  grace 
which  is  yours  prepares  you  for  the  rest  that  remains  for 
the  people  of  God,  and,  in  coming  into  it,  you  cannot 
take  one  thing  with  you.  If  the  question  is  asked,  "Do 
I  have  to  part  with  all  I  have  in  order  to  come  .into  this 
kingdom?"  the  answer  must  be :  "You  must  be  willing 
to  abandon  all  for  Christ."  This  is  a  great  stumbling 
block  in  the  path  of  many  a  would-be-perfect  Christian, 
but  it  should  not  be.  Is  not  heaven  worth  more  to  you 
than  your  earthly  possessions,  though  they  be  lands, 
houses,  gold,  silver,  rubies,  diamonds,  or  your  nearest 
and  dearest  friends  ?  Would  you  not  be  willing  to  ex 
change  them  all  for  heaven  ?  The  Lord  is  seeking  you, 
and  not  your  worldly  goods.  It  is  you  He  calls  for. 
This  is  an  individual  act  between  you  and  the  Lord,  and, 
if  you  are  in  earnest,  your  riches  will  be  to  you  no  more 
than  so  much  chaff,  even  though  you  be  a  millionaire. 
You  should  gladly  divest  yourself  of  all  you  have  and 
prize,  and  yield  yourself  into  His  hands,  for  you  do  not 
lose  anything,  but  gain  immensely.  ' '  For  what  is  a  man 
profited  if  he  shall  gain  the  whole  world,  and  lose  his  own 
soul?"  "  And  whosoever  will  lose  his  life  for  My  sake 
shall  find  it." 

"But,"  says  the  reader,  "you  draw  a  very  straight 
line  in  this  matter  of  religion,  and  I  feel  I  cannot  walk  by 
it.  I  cannot  be  so  holy." 

My  friend,  it  is  easier  to  live  a  holy  life  than  to  live  a 
sinful  one  ;  for  when  you  are  Christ's,  and  fully  saved, 
you  become  an  heir  to  eternal  life,  and  God  will  keep  you 
from  all  evil,  and  supply  your  every  need. 

Then  reflect  on  these  solemn  truths.    We  are  pilgrims 


86  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS 

and  sojourners  here  on  earth  as  all  our  fathers  were.  Our 
days  are  but  as  a  shadow,  since  our  allotted  time  is  but 
three  score  years  and  ten.  We  should  realize  how  fleeting 
and  transitory  are  all  the  joys  which  this  world  can  give. 
"  As  for  man  his  days  are  as  grass  ;  as  a  flower  of  the 
field  so  he  flourisheth  :  for  the  wind  passeth  over  it,  and 
it  is  gone  ;  and  the  place  thereof  shall  know  it  no  more." 

Dear  one,  your  wealth  and  fame  are  perhaps  great 
among  men,  here  on  earth,  but  should  you  appear  before 
God  without  the  wedding  garment  all  your  riches  would 
not  help  you,  for  you  would  be  speechless  and  ashamed 
before  Him. 

Oh,  what  a  sad  fate  :  to  be  driven  away  from  the 
presence  of  Christ  and  to  find  one's  self  in  the  outer  dark 
ness,  or  in  the  lake  of  fire,  with  the  Beast  and  the  False 
Prophet  !  Will  you  go  on  still  in  your  sins  and  neglect 
the  salvation  of  your  soul?  Oh,  come,  dear  soul  ;  let  me 
persuade  you  to  give  your  heart  to  the  Lord,  who  has 
purchased  your  pardon  on  the  cross,  and  invites  you  to 
come  to  Him  and  be  saved  freely  and  fully. 

"  And  the  Spirit  and  the  Bride  say  :  Come.  And  let 
him  that  heareth  say  :  Come.  And  let  him  that  is  athirst 
come.  And  whosoever  will,  let  him  take  the  water  of  life 
freely." 

THE  THIRD  EXPERIENCE. 

The  third  experience  through  which  the  Christian 
passes,  we  may  call  complete  Redemption.  The  Apostle 
Paul  says  :  ' '  Christ  is  made  unto  us  wisdom  and  right 
eousness  [or  justification],  sanctification  and  redemption." 
—I  Cor.  i  :  20.  Christ  is  made  unto  us  wisdom,  when, 
through  the  Scriptures  which  testify  of  Him,  we  are 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  87 

made,  like  Timothy,  "wise  unto  salvation,  through  faith 
which  is  in  Christ  Jesus." — II  Tim.,  iii  :  15.  We  are 
also  justified  through  faith  in  Him  and  become  partakers 
of  His  Righteousness.  Through  His  blood  we  are 
cleansed  from  all  sin,  and  so  sanctified  unto  God.  Then, 
through  the  Redemption  which  is  in  Christ  Jesus,  we  are 
brought  into  full  sympathy  with  Him,  being  crucified 
with  Christ  and  raised  with  Him  to  walk  in  newness  of 
life.  The  Apostle  says  :  "I  am  crucified  with  Christ  : 
nevertheless  I  live  ;  yet  not  I,  but  Christ  liveth  in  me." 
Again  :  "Ye  are  dead,  and  your  life  is  hid  with  Christ 
in  God."  Some  make  Redemption  to  apply  to  the 
redemption  of  the  body  from  the  grave,  and  the  future 
life,  but  the  author  thinks  that  it  may  apply  to  this  life 
and  be  an  experience  in  it. 

My  feelings  when  passing  through  this  third  experi 
ence — that  of  Redemption — were  indescribable.  To  give 
you  something  of  an  idea  of  them,  I  will  ask  you  to 
picture  to  yourself  a  criminal  waiting  for  a  judge  to  pass 
sentence  upon  him — a  criminal  weighed  down  by  the 
knowledge  of  his  guilt,  and  the  certainty  of  direct  punish 
ment.  Now  picture  again  that  criminal's  emotions,  should 
some  one  come  in  suddenly  and  say  :  ' '  Stop  !  I  have  paid 
the  penalty  of  this  man's  crime  ;  I  have  given  my  life  in 
place  of  his." 

Christ  has  done  this  for  us,  and  his  love  overrules 
justice,  and  redeems  us  poor  sinners  fully  from  the  death 
sentence  of  the  divine  law.  Can  anything  surpass  this 
love  ?  When  a  man  lays  down  his  life  for  his  friend  we 
stand  amazed  at  his  devotion.  How  much  more  then 
should  we  be  astonished  when  we  know  that  Christ  laid 


88  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

down  His  life  freely  for  us  who  are  so  vile  and  so  unde 
serving  ;  and  how  ungrateful  we  are  when  we  prefer  the 
pleasures  of  this  transitory  world  to  the  precious  treasures 
of  His  divine  love. 

What  does  Redemption  do  for  man  ? 

It  brings  him  back  to  where  he  was  before  the  fall,  and 
places  him  on  much  higher  ground.  God  created  man  in 
His  own  image,  and  put  him  in  the  Garden  of  Eden  to 
dress  it  and  to  keep  it.  Man  was  innocent  and  pure  as 
he  came  from  the  hand  of  his  Maker,  but  he  disobeyed 
God  and  ate  of  the  forbidden  fruit,  and  so  lost  commun 
ion  with  the  Lord.  God  sent  him  forth  from  the  Garden, 
and  he  was  debarred  from  the  tree  of  life,  and  from  all  the 
other  blessings  of  that  first  state  of  perfection,  through 
his  wilful  disobedience.  "  Wherefore,  as  by  one  man  sin 
entered  into  the  world,  and  death  by  sin  ;  so  death  passed 
upon  all  men,  for  that  all  have  sinned." — Rom.  v  :  12. 
Being  thus  fallen,  nothing  will  destroy  all  sin  and  restore 
man  to  the  image  and  likeness  of  his  Maker  but  the  cruci 
fixion  of  self,  the  death  of  the  old,  sinful  nature,  and  a 
resurrection  to  newness  of  life  through  and  with  our 
Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ.  This  is  not  a  physical 
death,  nor  a  physical  resurrection,  be  it  understood  ;  but 
a  spiritual  work  through  our  Lord,  who  is  able  to  save  to 
the  uttermost  all  who  come  unto  God  by  Him.  There 
must  be  an  inward  crucifixion  of  the  natural  man  ;  we 
must  die  to  our  own  selfish  life,  pass  through  this  death 
to  sin,  and  rise  with  Christ,  when  we  find  the  last  enemy 
destroyed. 

We  come  into  this  divine  life  by  entering  into  perfect 
sympathy  with  our  Saviour,   so  far  as  possible,  in  the 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  89 

agony  of  the  garden  of  Gethsemane  and  sufferings  of  the 
cross.  You  may  feel  as  He  did,  that  all  have  forsaken 
you,  for  the  Spirit  of  God  often  takes  from  under  the  soul 
every  prop  on  which  it  might  lean  for  support,  outside  of 
Christ.  Christ  said  :  "  My  soul  is  exceeding  sorrowful, 
even  unto  death."  And  they  all  forsook  Him  and  fled. 

Christ  brings  us  again  into  our  lost  inheritance.  He 
is  our  substitute.  He  died  for  us  and  lives  again  for  us, 
that  we  may  reign  with  Him  in  eternal  life.  By  his 
sacrifice  we  obtain  all  the  blessings  of  this  eternal  life 
here  and  hereafter.  Oh,  what  a  friend  we  have  in  Jesus. 

I  went  into  the  sure  inheritance  of  eternal  life,  as 
every  one  may  go,  leaning  upon  the  arm  of  my  Beloved. 
— Song  of  Solomon,  viii  :  5. 

Hallelujah  !  I  am  fully  redeemed  by  my  blessed 
Saviour  ! 

"  Oh,  how  sweet  to  walk  in  this  pilgrim  way, 

Leaning  on  the  everlasting  arms  ; 
Oh,  how  bright  the  path  grows  from  day  to  day, 
Leaning  on  the  everlasting  arms  ! 

"  What  have  I  to  dread,  what  have  I  to  fear  ? 

Leaning  on  the  everlasting  arms  ; 
I  have  blessed  peace,  with  my  Lord  so  near, 
Leaning  on  the  everlasting  arms." 

As  you  come  into  this  last  experience,  it  will  seem  to 
you  as  though  you  had  awakened  out  of  a  long  sleep. 
God's  voice  has  awakened  you  out  of  the  sleep  of  sin.  He 
has  said  :  "  Awake  thou  that  sleepest,  and  arise  from  the 
dead,  and  Christ  shall  give  you  light."  And  you  arise 
with  Jesus.  With  Him  you  died  ;  with  Him  you  arise; 
with  Him  you  sit  in  the  heavenly  places  — Eph.  ii :  6. 


90  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 

You  are  clothed  with  immortality  :  you  are  restored  to  the 
Divine  image  :  you  are  entirely  separated  from  the  world 
of  the  unconverted  and  from  the  world  of  self :  you  are 
one  with  Christ. 

Had  I  the  voice  of  an  archangel  I  would  sound  this 
salvation  from  pole  to  pole,  even  to  the  uttermost  parts  of 
the  globe  ;  Christ's  power  to  save  man  to  the  uttermost 
and  fill  him  with  all  the  fullness  of  God. 

And  so  we  exclaim  with  the  Psalmist  :  "I  shall  be 
satisfied  when  I  awake  with  Thy  likeness."  Those  who 
have  been  brought  to  know  Christ  in  this  experience 
have  put  off  the  earthly  and  have  put  on  the  heavenly. 
They  cease  to  know  Christ  after  the  flesh,  as  says  the 
Apostle,  "Wherefore,  henceforth  know  no  man  after 
the  flesh ;  yea,  though  we  have  known  Christ  after  the 
flesh,  yet  now  henceforth  know  we  Him  no  more." — 
II  Cor.  v  :  1 6.  They  can  also  assert  with  the  author  of 
Hebrews  :  4tWe  have  an  altar,  whereof  they  have  no 
right  to  eat  which  serve  the  tabernacle" — the  outward 
manifestation  ;  for,  through  the  apprehension  of  Christ, 
as  the  quickening  Spirit,  they  look  and  see  what  is  told 
in  Rev.  xi :  19,  "And  the  temple  of  God  was  opened  in 
heaven,  and  there  was  seen  in  his  temple  the  ark  of  his 
testament."  The  veil  of  the  earthly  temple  was  rent  in 
twain,  and  now,  through  the  new  and  living  way,  we 
enter  into  the  holiest  of  all  by  the  blood  of  Jesus. 

The  reader  will  probably  wonder  if  I  experienced 
these  three  states  of  grace  as  expected.  No,  I  did  not,  by 
any  means.  I  found  them  ten  thousand  times  more  won 
derful  than  I  had  ever  been  led  to  expect,  or  than  I  could 
ever  describe  ;  and  you,  dear  reader,  will  find  it  the  same, 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  91 

when  you  come  to  experience  them.  You  will  realize  the 
tremendous  contrast  between  the  world  you  have  left  and 
the  world  you  have  entered  through  God's  grace.  You 
will  look  back  on  the  toilsome  journey  of  your  life,  with 
its  cross-bearings  and  its  recurrent  temptations,  and  feel 
thankful  that  you  have  at  last  risen  with  Christ  into  the 
new  life,  and  that  the  temple  of  your  heart  is  emptied, 
cleansed  and  fully  purified,  so  as  to  be  completely  prepared 
for  the  indwelling  of  the  Holy  Spirit— the  Spirit  of 
Christ.  You  will  feel  that  you  are  entirely  separated 
from  the  evil,  ungodly  world  of  unregenerate  people,  and 
that  you  have  been  set  apart,  sanctified  for  the  Master's 
use.  You  will  enter  the  haven  of  rest  and  your  eyes  will 
see  "  the  king  in  his  beauty." 

These  deeper  truths  of  God's  word  have  been  covered 
up  through  many  ages,  but  are  now  made  manifest  to  his 
children,  who  are  discovering  things  new  and  old  The 
rejection  of  these  truths  to-day,  throughout  the  world,  is 
an  appalling  fact,  for  even  among  God's  professed  people 
thousands  of  substitutes  are  put  in  the  place  of  Christ 
and  His  Holy  Spirit.  The  true  life  of  the  soul — eternal 
life — is  derived  only  from  the  Holy  Spirit  of  Christ,  for 
Jesus  says  :  ' '  Without  Me  [or  apart  from  Me]  ye  can  do 
nothing."  No  substitute  can  take  His  place  in  giving  us 
happiness  on  earth  and  a  share  in  the  ineffable  glory  of 
heaven. 

The  soul  which  is  purified  and  filled  with  the  Spirit  is 
always  quiet  and  serene,  and  ever  possessed  of  evenness 
of  mind  :  tribulations  never  disturb  it ;  nor  do  the  inner 
continuous  communications  from  God  render  it  vain  and 
conceited.  It  abides  in  wonderful,  heavenly  peace,  and 


92  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 

is  always  full  of  hope,  trust  and  filial  reverence. 

The  kingdom  of  heaven  is  within  you.  If  you  have 
Christ  you  have  heaven,  for  Christ  and  heaven  are  one. 
Heaven  is  a  state  of  entire  purity,  and  we  do  not  have  to 
die  bodily  to  enter  it.  When  we  die  to  sin  we  are  in 
heaven.  We  come  into  Paradise  first,  and  this  is  a  fore 
taste  of  heaven.  Only  a  holy  heart  understands  heaven 
or  can  describe  it  ;  yet  the  road  to  heaven  has  been  trod 
by  so  many  pilgrims  that  you  cannot  miss  your  way  if 
you  watch  for  their  "  footprints  on  the  sands  of  time  "  and 
follow  them. 

The  first  step  of  the  road  was  shown  to  Nicodemus  by 
Jesus,  when  he  said  :  "Verily,  verily.  I  say  unto  thee  : 
Except  a  man  be.  born  again  he  cannot  see  the  kingdom 
of  God.  That  which  is  born  of  the  flesh  is  flesh,  and 
that  which  is  born  of  the  spirit  is  spirit." — John  iii  :  3,  6. 

The  only  barrier  between  you  and  heaven  is  your 
sins.  If  you  are  a  sinner,  will  you  not  forsake  your  sins 
and  give  them  up  for  heaven  ?  If  you  will  abandon 
your  sins  and  become  born  of  the  Spirit,  then  heaven  is 
certainly  yours-  To  know  God,  and  Jesus  Christ  whom 
He  hath  sent,  this  is  eternal  life.  Oh,  believe  the  record 
true  and  enter  in. 

O,  priceless  faith,  how  gently  didst  thou  draw  my 
soul  into  union  with  the  Divine  One  when  I  longed  most 
earnestly  for  true,  pure  love.  When  nothing  on  earth 
satisfied  the  cravings  of  my  inner  nature,  faith  whispered 
to  me  :  "  Draw  near  in  confidence  and  thou  shalt  be  made 
a  partaker  of  His  divine  love. ' ' 

I  listened,  and  in  the  silent  night  the  divine  messenger 
brought  peace  to  my  longing  heart.  Since  then  thou 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  93 

hast  seemed  present  to  me  everywhere,  O  Holy  One.  I 
seem  to  behold  Thee  in  my  dreams  ;  I  listen  to  the  leaves 
as  they  rustle  on  the  trees,  and  on  each  leaf  I  fancy  I  see 
Thy  loving  smile  imprinted  ;  I  hear  Thy  voice  in  the  song 
of  every  bird,  and  the  silent  moonbeams  reflect  the  calm 
of  Thy  tranquil  love. 

I  rest  in  Thee.  Thou  encotnpassest  my  being,  and 
the  chords  of  my  heart  vibrate  to  Thy  touch.  Thou  art 
my  soul's  entrancing  melody,  and  the  joy  of  Thy  presence 
fills  the  chambers  of  my  soul,  where  still  lingers  the  light 
of  Thy  gracious  countenance.  Not  a  sunlit  morn  nor 
glimmering  beam  of  starlight  but  whispers  of  Thee. 

O,  delightful  recompense  for  my  long  and  lonely  yearn 
ing  !  When  with  rapturous  thrills  of  joy  my  soul  became 
united  to  Thee,  what  gladness  I  felt  !  My  heart  broke 
out  in  song.  O,  boundless,  fathomless  love  divine  :  Christ 
is  all  and  in  all  ! 

"  Let  us  be  glad  and  rejoice,  and  give  honor  to  Him  : 
for  the  marriage  of  the  Lamb  is  come,  and  His  wife  hath 
made  herself  ready.  And  to  her  was  granted  that  she 
should  be  arrayed  in  fine  linen,  clean  and  white  :  for  the 
fine  linen  is  the  righteousness  of  saints." — Rev.  xix  :  7,  8. 

God,  himself,  has  condescended  to  say,  speaking  of 
those  who  had  constituted  his  true  people  :  "I  am  married 
unto  you."  And  again,  "I  will  betroth  thee  unto  me 
forever." — Hosea,  ii  :  19.  This  marriage  refers  to  the 
divine  completeness  of  man  in  spirit,  soul  and  body.  God 
and  the  soul  in  union  originates  pure  love,  and  consti 
tutes  but  one  and  the  same  spirit,  as  the  bride  and  the 
bridegroom  in  marriage  are  made  one.  The  soul  in  union 
with  God  is  in  a  state  of  pure  love,  and  can  exclaim  : 


94  LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS^ 

I  IN  THEE,  AND  THOU  IN  ME! 


"  I  in  Thee  and  Thou  in  me  ; 
Blessed,  mystic  unity. 

Nothing  have  I ;  all  is  Thine  : 
I  am  Thine  and  Thou  art  mine. 

Life  and  love  and  light  I  find, 
Perfectly  in  Thee  combined. 

In  Thy  light  alone  is  light, 
Perfect  peace,  supreme  delight. 

I  in  Thee  and  Thou  in  me — 
Wonderful  the  mystery." 

May  the  blessing  of  the  Lord  rest  upon  the  reader  of 
this  book,  and  may  the  Holy  Spirit  carry  its  words  to 
every  hungering  and  thirsting  soul  throughout  the  world. 


LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS.  .  95 


A  Poetical  Treasure. 


years  ago  the  following  poem,  with  the  introduc 
tion  thereto,  was  printed  in  Louisiana,  in  the  "  Christian 
Advocate  and  Journal. "  I  found  it  appropriate  to  my 
own  feelings  while  in  that  country,  and  I  have  kept  it  as 
a  sacred  treasure.  Now  I  give  it  to  you  : 

"  We  are  informed  that  the  first  three  stanzas  of  the 
following  piece  of  poetry  were  written  by  a  young  for 
eigner,  who,  having  left  the  parental  hall  '  where  prayer 
was  wont  to  be  made,'  afterward  fell  into  circumstances  of 
great  affliction,  during  which,  as  was  very  natural,  the 
*  scenes  of  his  tranquility  '  rose  to  his  view  in  all  their 
force  and  beauty,  and  constrained  him  to  pour  forth  his 
sorrows  in  these  measured  and  moving  strains  The 
three  following  stanzas  were  added  by  another,  and  the 
fourth  by  another  :" 

THE  FAMILY  BIBLE. 

How  painfully  pleasing  the  fond  recollection 

Of  youthful  connections  and  innocent  joy  ; 
When  blessed  with  parental  advice  and  affection, 

Surrounded  with  mercies  and  peace  from  on  high  ; 
I  still  view  the  chairs  of  my  father  and  mother, 

The  seats  of  their  offspring  arranged  on  each  hand, 
And  that  richest  of  books  that  excels  every  other, 

The  family  Bible,,  that  lay  on  the  stand. 
CHORUS  : 

The  old  fashioned  Bible,  the  dear,  blessed  Bible, 

The  family  Bible,  that  lay  on  the  stand. 


96  LIFETIME  RECOLLECTIONS. 

The  Bible  the  volume  of  God's  inspiration 

At  morning  and  evening  could  yield  us  delight ; 
The  prayer  of  our  sire  was  a  sweet  invocation, 

For  mercies  by  day  and  for  safety  by  night ; 
Our  hymns  of  thanksgiving  with  harmony  swelling, 

All  warm  from  the  breast  of  a  family  band, 
Half  raised  us  from  earth  to  that  rapturous  dwelling, 

Described  in  the  Bible  that  lay  on  the  stand. 

Ye  scenes'  of  tranquility  long  have  we  parted, 

My  hopes  almost  gone  and  my  parents  no  more  ; 
In  sorrow  and  darkness  I  live  broken  hearted 

A  wanderer  unknown  on  a  far-distant  shore  ; 
Yet  how  can  I  doubt  a  dear  Saviour's  protection, 

Forgetful  of  gifts  from  His  bountiful  hand  ; 
Q  let  me  with  patience  receive  His  correction, 

And  think  of  the  Bible  that  lay  on  the  stand. 

Blest  Bible,  the  light  and  the  guide  of.  the  stranger 

With  it  I  seemed  circled  by  parents  and  friends  ; 
Thy  kind  admonition  shall  guide  me  from  danger, 

Thy  promise  through  infinite  ages  extends. 
Hope  brightens  to  vigor  and  rises  to  glory, 

I  love  to  behold  the  invisible  land 
And  for  refuge  lay  hold  on  the  hope  set  before  me, 

Revealed  in  the  Bible  that  lay  on  the  .stand. 

Hail  !  rising  the  brightest  and  best  of  the  morning, 

The  star  which  has  guided  my  parents  safe  home, 
The  beam  of  thy  glory  my  pathway  adorning 

Shall  scatter  the  darkness  and  brighten  my  gloom 
And  as  ancient  sages,  to  worship  the  stranger, 

With  ecstasy  hastened  to  Canaan's  fair  land  ; 
I  will  bow  to  adore,  but  not  in  a  manger — 

He's  seen  in  the  Bible  that  lay  on  the  stand. 

Though  age  and  misfortune  press  hard  on  my  feelings, 
I  flee  to  the  Bible  and  trust  in  the  Lord  ; 

Though  darkness  should  cover  His  merciful  dealings 
My  soul  is  still  cheered  by  His  heavenly  word  *, 


LIFETIME   RECOLLECTIONS.  97 

And  now  from  things  earthly  my  soul  is  removing, 
I  soon  shall  shout  glory  in  heaven's  bright  land  ; 

And  with  raptures  of  joy  be  forever  adoring 

The  God  of  the  Bible  that  lay  on  the  stand. 

My  parents  though  dead  are  safe  landed  in  glory, 

Escaped  to  the  mansions  of  heavenly  rest ; 
Where  seraphs  and  angels  repeat  the  glad  story 

Of  Jesus'  love  to  poor  sinners  confessed  , 
They  range  the  blest  fields  on  the  banks  of  the  river, 

Surveying  the  breadth  of  Emanuel's  Land  ; 
They  love  Him  and  praise  Him  for  ever  and  ever, 

For  giving  the  Bible  that  lay  on  the  stand. 


98  LIFETIME    RECOLLECTIONS. 


The  Heavenly  Sculptor. 


T.  C.  UPHAM. 

Shrink  not  from  suffering.     Bach  dear  blow, 
From  which  thy  smitten  spirit  bleeds, 

Is  but  a  messenger  to  show 

The  renovation  which  it  needs. 

The  earthly  sculptor  smites  the  rock  : 
Loud  the  relentless  hammer  rings  ; 

And  from  the  rude,  unshapen  block, 

At  length,  imprisoned  beauty  brings. 

Thou  art  that  rude,  unshapen  stone  ; 

And  waitest  till  the  arm  of  strife 
Shall  make  its  crucifixions  known, 

And  smite  and  carve  thee  into  life. 

The  heavenly  Sculptor  works  on  thee  ; 

Be  patient.     Soon  His  arm  of  might 
Shall  from  thy  prison's  darkness  free, 

And  change  thee  to  a  form  of  light. 


I 


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